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tandylion. [Apr. 14th, 2014|11:09 pm]
some people take vacations to get away from everyone else and relax.



it appears that i have the opposite problem.
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i bought a house. [Mar. 6th, 2014|11:27 pm]


I get the keys tomorrow.

Im kind of scared that this may be the worst decision ive ever made.






Either that, or the best. :)
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some may see it as being romantic but... [Feb. 11th, 2014|12:40 am]
I've been a creep from the beginning.

or was i just being myself?
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Telling tales of grandeur. [Aug. 9th, 2013|12:01 pm]
[Current Location |Work]
[Current Mood |aggravatedaggravated]

man... this year i am terrible at the internet.

odd too considering i have my own place and my own internet that is fast enough to actually update stuff. haha




well, lets see what been happening...

still at my job since january. sometimes i love it, sometimes i dont. most of the time it is good though. i mean, im at work right now and here i am updating LJ. (shhh.. dont tell anyone)

Ive already set in motion getting preapproved for a home. while i do enjoy my apartment, its location and low price for rent, i would like something with more space and if i can pay money into a home rather than paying someone else mortgage for the same or almost the same price as my rent, then why not?

BUT COMING UP WITH THIS STUPID 20% DOWNPAYMENT IS RIDICULOUS.

i really dont understand how i am supposed to come up with upwards of $20k. It would take me a lifetime to save that kind of money... literally! i dont know how people are supposed to do this. ive checked online for ideas, but short of pulling from your 401k, getting a second job or "being gifted money" from a relative, you just have to save. also, what kind of assumption is it that your relatives just have this kind of money lying around for you to get. (who lives in this kind of fantasy world?) i suppose that if i had a two income household i could do this, but otherwise, no way. being in oregon, this seems too difficult. if i were in california, this would be impossible. ive tried to look into getting help from the county and state for downpayment assistance programs but they are all out of funds! even worse!

but besides that, the other issue i seem to be facing is the lack of the loan amount that i can actually have. it appears that i will have to settle for an older home and there isnt much i can do about it short of finding some sort of crazy steal of a deal home. i actually did find one, but i didnt have all of my documents in order... but it did give me hope that a nicer cheaper house does exist, i just gotta find it. this is also unfortunate because i know myself enough to know what kind of payment i can afford to make or not make. right now all the lenders seem to disagree with me on this... but whatever. but the good thing about this is that Tommy just got a job in Albany and would like to live with me, at least until he can find something for himself. or he will be my permanent roommate... haha. but that will good to have extra cash to put towards principal every month.

overall, lenders have suggested that i purchase the home with the intent to sell it later on, or for it to be a rental. the rental sounds like a better idea to me, as i already know i could probably pay off a 30 loan in 15-20 years if everything goes ok. and having that extra income would be nice. also, all of this talk sounds ridiculous now that i type it out.

i mean, in 15 years i will be 55! GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS



also, next year i will be 30. who knew i would actually survive this long?!
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sorry ive neglected you my livejournal. [Feb. 17th, 2013|03:10 pm]
[Current Location |My place]
[Current Mood |goodgood]
[Current Music |Sheryl Crow "If it makes you happy"]

im sorry....

im just not as internet savvy as i once was.

but in good news, i got a new job and my own place.
my nexus is becoming complete.


also, ive been cooking a lot lately and it makes me happy.
i would update more but i dont have much to say at the moment other than i love you.

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(no subject) [Oct. 25th, 2012|10:06 pm]
i love mybestfriendjoey.

he makes my life so much better.
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cancel [Sep. 13th, 2012|12:30 am]
[Current Location |Eltons]
[Current Mood |scaredscared]
[Current Music |The Chairman Meowing...]

moved.
dont miss, not missed.

been here. not doing much.
after a month, finally got a job offer. still wondering though.

might buy a house.
i dunno. its cheaper.


STILL TERRIFIED.



this week i hung out on the farm, then got so sick with diarrhea that i lost 3 pounds.
cool.

might go to disneyland soon. maybe not.
also i hope i dont lose my friends.
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you dont even remember the most important thing ive said. [Jul. 18th, 2012|12:17 am]
[Current Location |home]
[Current Mood |coldcold]
[Current Music |Dr. Dog "Jackie Wants a Black Eye"]



"And we're all in it together now
As we all fall apart
And we're swapping little pieces
Of our broken little hearts"


back from my trip. it was good. i would even go to say great.
nothing really bad happened, with the exception of inclimate weather and bug bites.
i liked the ponies.

didnt see anyone i knew in philly.
did get offers to live in three or four states. ironic.
casy wants to buy a house with me.
but i miss my friend tywayne the most.
i love that dude so much. i wish we lived closer to each other.

but two weeks of work then moving on.
im scared but excited.


im not sure what to do with myself though.
i might even do nothing for a while.
that sounds nice.



im pretty much done with any relationships for the time being though.
ive decided that much.
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the only thing is that im by myself this time. [Jun. 1st, 2012|12:01 am]


well may is finally over.
so thats good. this was probably one of the most uneventful months of my entire life.

my mother is back from the philippines. picking her up from the airport and hanging out with kaitlyn and sam and sierra and john was the most exciting thing i did all month.

joey was supposed to come down the first weekend but that didnt happen.

i was supposed to go to eugene memorial day weekend but that did happen either because he had to work all weekend.

i finished twilight princess in two weeks. started playing skyward sword but then i had to pack up the wii so didnt get to finish. i put it away completely though, because i have a feeling that i wont be using it for a while.

i might do some diet where i take some hormone drops and only eat 500 calories and then lose like 2 lbs a day. how unhealthy is that right? IM EXCITED!

trip is coming soon, although i just found out it might be... more challenging that once suspected. but i hope it will all still work out.

been thinking about selling the element and upgrading to a newer one, but the one i had my eye on sold. dang. but its ok... there are many other similar ones ive found so far. plus, i just discovered that if i live in oregon when i purchase a vehicle, i wont have to pay sales tax even if i purchase it in california! thats a savings of over $2000! YEAH!

oh yeah, i might be moving sometime in july. after tour that is.
whoops. good thing very few, if anyone but me, actually still reads this. :)



everything is either coming together nicely, or will complete crumble and fall apart.
how excitingly... nerve-racking.
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(no subject) [May. 13th, 2012|02:52 am]
i dont even know what i am doing anymore.
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adult decisions. [Apr. 18th, 2012|12:12 am]
[Current Location |Home]
[Current Mood |contemplativeconcerned]
[Current Music |Sufjan Stevens "From the Mouth of Gabriel"]

"Your face has changed
I hardly know who you are this time
And what a mess I've made of you
You probably would but I won't let you run away
You probably should but I won't let you run away this time

Don't be afraid of loneliness some refugee beside itself
Instead of what you've got
You probably would but I won't let you go away
You probably should but I won't let you go away this time"


how terrifying.
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i miss my friend. [Apr. 3rd, 2012|08:07 pm]
[Current Location |home]
[Current Mood |accomplishedaccomplished]
[Current Music |Starflyer 59 "You Dont Miss Me"]

well... weekend with joey was probably one of the best weekends everrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
seriously. i love that guy so much.

were doing the biggest loser thing at work and this week is the last week of it so im trying this super healthy diet that consists of eating the actual amount of servings of vegetables that were supposed to have per day (which is 5-6 according to most). if you really think about it, thats kind of a lot. but we will see how it goes. but for dinner all this week ive been having this raw broccoli and avocado salad mixture thats actually pretty good. im sure ill get tired of it after a week though. luckily i go to training in sacramento next week after the biggest loser is over so i can gorge myself on the all the money they give me to eat out each night. :)

in other news, on the loan servicing front, in addition to paying off my car, i finally paid off one of my credit cards in full as well. thats a nice feeling... although i keep checking my accounts to make sure it happens. haha.

i also seem to be putting on more loan applications at work which is good. the promotion is nice. the paycheck is even nicer. im getting to be a little too rich at this pace though... its kinda ridiculous. like i keep thinking, what am i gonna do with all this money once i pay off all my debts?

my manager suggested i buy a house.
OH.

okay.



so i looked up houses for sale around here just out of curiosity and discovered that i probably could pay a mortgage with rates as low as they are now. its really weird to think of owning a house but i guess i am kinda getting old now or something. i mean, look at me!



i look like a freak!
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getting better. [Mar. 22nd, 2012|12:09 am]
i paid off my car yesterday.
so thats weird. milestone at least.
oh speaking of, i also hit 100k on my car the other day too.


also my friend joey is coming to visit me all the way from oregon.
hes coming to visit me and only me.

i feel incredibly special.
its gonna be a great weekend.
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who am i? [Feb. 3rd, 2012|01:03 am]
[Current Location |Home]
[Current Mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[Current Music |Janet Jackson "Miss You Much"]

i watched the hangover part 2 tonight.
i still dont know why zach and i arent friends yet. guess im getting lazy.

anyways since last entry, the big day didnt go over as planned, but rarely does anything these days. i decided that it might have been for the better.


sometimes i have immense shame for things ive done, other times i have no regrets.
its odd.

my cash worries of last month have dissipated as of late. all of the bonuses and refunds and returns are finally starting to come in. 300 plus 107 plus 50 plus 100 plus 260. also an extra 250 plus 50 in may. im finally starting to make headway with the cc debt too. really i just want to fast forward a few months so i can actually start making money. oh that reminds me, i also get a travel advance soon for training...


oh yeah, i got a promotion at work. (again)
this is like career status fyi.
but i cant tell if im a good worker or if this is out of a need of desperation.

also, i might be boring and forgot.


i seem to be doing ok by myself right now.
at least, for the moment. it is a bit of rocky road though i will say.
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cannon falter. [Jan. 25th, 2012|12:44 am]
[Current Location |Home]
[Current Mood |restlessrestless]
[Current Music |Sparta "Collapse"]



i am tired.
of scheming mostly...

i also dont know if ive done anything wrong. but isnt that always the case.



big day tomorrow.
i hope things go over better than i expect them to.

moms gone.
but i wanna just go already.
and let this year be over.
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you have already failed me. [Jan. 10th, 2012|11:27 pm]
[Current Location |Home]
[Current Mood |okayokay]
[Current Music |Jay-Z "Glory"]

sometimes its hard for me to believe people.
in any aspect really.
i also feel sometimes that i am the only person in the world.
the only one that seems to be going through things and feelings like this.
no one to talk to, no one who will get it.

its no wonder i trust so few.


however long of a day its been however
its exciting to think about the birth of your future children.

i even talked about you today at work. quite proudly i might add.
im cant wait to finally meet you.

SDA, CMA, TWA, RHA, GRA.
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promises, promises. [Jan. 3rd, 2012|12:17 am]
[Current Location |Home]
[Current Mood |excitedexcited]
[Current Music |Iron & Wine "The Sea and The Rhythm"]

"this year, i am going to be a man of my word," he said.
i didnt doubt him for a minute, but i didnt believe him either.

well looking at a year in review, i did not reach my goal of paying off my car by the end of the year. however, i could have if i wanted to. and at this point, i only owe $1300. i just got paid a few days ago and could have paid it off if i wanted to, but like i said previous, the few dollars of interest that i must spend to keep my loan is worth the longevity to my credit report. its crazy to think too what i WOULD have paid in interest had i not refinanced and put extra to principal all the time and subjected my poor credit cards to the brink of their limits (but worth it for their introductory 0% rate). i just checked and i only paid $242 to interest last year on my car. had i not done all these steps listed prior, i would still have 3 more years of payments to go and in the end it would cost me over $2000 in interest if i just left the loan as it was! CRAZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

seeing as my car will be paid for in a mere 4 months, i can now focus my attentions to my looming new beast, credit card debt. oddly, this would become my undoing in 2011 (as well as having a very poor and subsequently very expensive best friend). it just became too easy to swipe and think about it later. however, i am still covered by 0% apr cards until november 2012, so at the very least i am not owing a penny on interest to anyone, i still must pay back all that i borrowed which looks like a daunting task. however, i know myself well enough to know i can discipline myself to possibly even do this in the 4 months that i still owe on my car. for the sake of not starving myself this year though, i will say that i can safely do so by june. :)

i also came to a new enlightenment this last month: the possibility of early retirement.

i know this sounds ridiculous at my age, but working at the credit union has taught me the foolish ways people spend their money and the wise ways people invest their money. and the good thing about me is that i can probably live so simply that interest alone could be enough for me to live on by the time that i am... well, i would even go so far as to say... 30 years old. WOW.

thats super weird to think.

dont get me wrong... i would still have a job, but i would probably only work part time and then do something fun. or adventurous. or both. haha...

in reality and the market where it is now, i would say 35 is clearer. but still, this is an amazing prospect if you really think about it.

and it all starts tomorrow.


my first order of business: walk to work. i knew it would be good for exercise and not using gas and whatnot, but i never realized how much i could save! haha! oh silly me.
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steals and then deals. [Dec. 2nd, 2011|12:23 am]
[Current Location |Home]
[Current Music |Feist "Caught A Long Wind"]

its the first of the month and its already going to fast... i need a recap.

-deer head
-solar powered keyboard
-cattle skull
-new polaroid digital camera and paper
-fisheye camera

and possibly
-new laptop (with $20 credit from living social and $75 laptop trade in)
-home theater projector (way under msrp buying used on ebay)

ive been selling a lot of stuff on ebay, including my trench coat for $80. which is great. i got my motorcycle license which is good. i also got the vespas oil changed and serviced. i also went to the dentist which is good. however, a misunderstanding of ppo and hmo has created a $150 bill. hrumph. also bad is the fact that my 0% computer loan no longer exists. thus i am having to pay for all these things myself. (LAME)

in other news, i opened two bank accounts this week. both online. both with bonuses. one for $107 and one for $50. even better, one of them is an interest bearing checking at 4%. also amex gave me $25 credit if i bought something from a small business. so i went to antique store and bought a cattle skull. also, i still have to apply for that $300 bonus credit card. good thing im making all this free money, otherwise, i would be in too much debt. again.
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whoa. [Nov. 12th, 2011|11:36 pm]
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whatever. [Nov. 11th, 2011|12:39 am]




even in polaroid form. jeez.
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(no subject) [Nov. 5th, 2011|02:28 am]
its only the technically 5th day of the month and im already doing so much (but not really at the same time)

ive learned a lot about myself in the past few days actually.  probably because im so alone all the time.  and even if i am with others, i realized what i want and what i do not want to hear.  and ive learned what i like... at least, what i think i like.  it only took a wake up call at 5 am to jar it into my brain.  haha...

ive actually gone back to my list and have started to do stuff on it that i have been putting off for a while now.  like selling my pile of ebay stuff.  its been amassing now for almost a year, maybe even longer.  but i put up three items the other day and all of them sold!  even better, they sold for more than the price i set!  now if only people would stop being lazy and pay me already.  haha

also this month, i plan on going to the dentist at some point (if amanda and/or reina would get their act together) and i have my motorcycle license test on the 17th.  ive been practicing on the weekends and its been good.  ive been getting better... its still not very easy though.  much more difficult to pass than it is the regular driving test which i find ironic. i also have to get my vespas oil changed this month and i have to get the element serviced for its 100K.  ugh.... i already know thats gonna be costly.  its ok though.  the car will last me a long time im sure if i treat it right.

what else is on my list?  oh i got an offer in the mail for some credit card... they send me offers literally once a week.  sometimes twice a week.  its crazy.  but then i got an offer the other day from the same company this time saying they will give me $300 for free if i sign up for their card.  i was in the market for another one anyways so why not right?  i seem to be really good at getting free money this year.  people need to quit tempting me so!  haha.  i also plan on getting that 0%apr computer loan from work as well as try to up my credit limit on my card.  and maybe a line of credit too.  we will see... i think i might as well get it all done at the same time if they are going to inquire about it.

i am tired.

i will write more later.
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my biggest fault is my trust in human beings. they fail every time. [Oct. 8th, 2011|11:03 pm]


i should stop expecting people to understand.

and start demanding it instead.
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this is how bored i am after work lately. [Oct. 3rd, 2011|11:18 pm]
i thought yesterday that i would do my laundry today because it needed to get done.  i was just about to fold and put stuff away and i thought i should probably iron some stuff.  then i had a brilliant idea.


i thought to myself, "i should just iron these clothes tomorrow that way ill have something to do tomorrow night."

HOW SAD IS THAT




oh well.  also, i need to get a new headshot.
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i discovered tonight that i came to self-realization in 1994. [Sep. 30th, 2011|11:49 pm]
[Current Location |Home]
[Current Mood |lonelyalone]
[Current Music |Feist "Bittersweet Melodies"]

it appears i was 10.

makes sense i guess.
i was old enough to know what was going on and much more intelligent than my peers.
at least, when it came to discussing such matters with adults.
i wonder what i would be like if i had had someone to nurture my brain.  to actually speak my mind instead of keeping it to myself.
much like everything else, i just realize how more and more i am screwed up.

my only hope is that i would not continue this trend to my children.



its one thing that ive always made (or at least tried to make) clear to people.
they exist.  and they should be whom they are.  not whom they are told to be.
and often how or why they try to be perceived in their existence.
its no wonder no one wants to be around me.
who really wants to be known or even be seen as they truly are?
morality is something almost no one has anymore.


often times i wonder what it would be like to just do or say or act how i wanted.
but i feel as though being that self-seeking would not be enjoyable or satisfying.  perhaps in the moment, but nothing else.

in reality, when all is said and done, you as we all are truly alone.
it is no wonder that we all seek something More.



tonight was a lonely night.
very lonely actually.
probably the most alone ive felt since last year on my birthday.


im starting to wonder if she was right after all.
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i need to get out of debt so i can be a hobo. [Sep. 20th, 2011|11:15 pm]
[Current Location |Home]
[Current Mood |sicksick]
[Current Music |Gwyenth Paltrow covering Adele "Turning Tables"]



back from (official) vacation #2.
made $215 on a vegas slot.
got a new hat from bedrock for $20.
went to magic mountain for $25 and didnt blackout.
spent $1.5K total on the trip.  damnson.
but you know, sometimes, you just got to do it yourself and do it right.

and hell if it wasnt the best trip ive had in a long time.  it might even be the best trip ive ever had actually.

of course no trip can be perfect.  there were some weird parts, places i didnt really want to go to, some plans for things that fell through, and weddings that didnt happen, but you cant predict everything to go so smoothly.  and there were some lovely parts to the trip.  like stevens last minute idea to see achievement house in fresno became not so great for me, but ended up being a very important and meaningful place for him to be. (i wish i could be as wonderful as he can be to people at times.  it is something i want to strive to be like.  i feel i might have lost this in my quest for holy righteousness and being above reproach.  alas, i am a sinner like all others and we are all the same.) or braving to go to the grand canyon despite the fact that we were in a torrential downpour en route ended up being quite a lovely day for photos and it was completely clear.  i also took some of the best polaroids of my life while we were there.  it made me wonder why i stopped taking photos all the time.  i even got to see hale, albeit for a short amount of time.  and i got to see fleet foxes and bon iver the same night in concert.  GOD.  how amazing is that?!



it made miss traveling a lot.  i had such a nice time.  there was this moment when i was in the back seat staring out the sun roof and everything seemed to be all right.

and to top it all off, i did something i had never done before.
i got a tattoo.  not only that.  i got a matching one with my best friend.  amazing.

if youre curious of what, see the previous post.
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welp. [Sep. 18th, 2011|08:59 pm]

its for real now.

proper update soon... i hope.

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Im up in the woods. [Aug. 26th, 2011|09:58 pm]
[Current Location |Home]
[Current Mood |hopefulhopeful]
[Current Music |The Flaming Lips "Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots Part 1"]

so... not gonna lie.
i am a bit bored tonight so i am updating my journal.
however, this has been on my to do list for a few days now so....



alterna-road trip (because zara got stuck in colorado or somewhere) to eugene with steven went nicely. for him, one of his best trips hes ever had which is nice. im glad he could experience that. the road with him was quite fun i have to say. its also been a while since ive traveled with anyone for a long distance. its nice to have someone to talk to whilst driving; even better when its your best friend.  its was good because i got to learn a lot more about steven. it was also nice because i got to connect again with my good old friend and former dance partner kyle. (i am SO happy that i got to do that right now you dont even understand.)  and i also got to meet his wife kristyn, whos a pretty cool chick.  i know this mainly because we played smb3 and she knew where everything was.  it made me QUITE happy.  the above polaroid pretty much sums up how our trip was, that taken on the final night after a furious crazy drunken game of mario kart.

i think most of all though, roseanne and darth tater were my favorite moments.

before i left for vacation, i recieved my annual review at work.  it went well and i also recieved my raise which was nice.  i come back from vacation to discover that my boss also wanted to give me another raise and promote me!  and thus, here we are looking at the brand spankin newest MSR II at G1. (what does this all mean?) in reality, not much but i do get to open new accounts now which will be fun to at least do something else and learn something new.  also, i get to sit at the proper desk which i am most excited for. :)  this also looks good on a resume considering i got hired a year ago and already got a promotion and now i can be in a running as a new accounts person rather than just a lowly teller position.  haha... i also have pretty much paid my car off at this point or at least got it under $3k which is where i feel the most comfortable.  i have decided to forego spending more on principal to instead look to extend my on time loan payment history for my credit report.  paying off a 14k loan in less than 2 years is awesome, but i should probably get at least the look of hey... i made payment on this vehicle for 2 years now give me another one for twice as much... or something like that.  ultimately, my goal is to be out of debt (for the most part) by the beginning of next year.  i feel this goal is attainable for me as long as i continue to have the hours ive been getting.  luckily the promotion will help with that fact i believe.  or it will at least for the next two months with training.




impending marriages aside, i hope i get to spend many more trips with this guy.

also, i think i want to grow my hair out again.
although i seem to have that idea every year. its that dang in between that sucks.
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undeserving. [Aug. 6th, 2011|12:36 am]
i am a horrible person.

in fact, this is very often.
i dont try to be though.



sometimes a dude just needs a friend.
goodnight.
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Oh... okay. [Jul. 26th, 2011|01:40 am]
[Current Location |Home]
[Current Mood |hopefulhopeful]
[Current Music |Dashboard Confessional "This Ruined Puzzle"]



i really hope this works out.

in fact, i pray that it will.
the way he talks, i almost believe him.




EDIT: 7/30/11 12:45AM

so far, so awesome.
this is getting kinda scary. haha...
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...and at once i knew i was not magnificent. [Jun. 23rd, 2011|12:08 am]
[Current Location |Home]
[Current Mood |mellowmellow]
[Current Music |Bon Iver "Holocene"]



twenty seven.
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