| The timing is almost perfection. |
[Oct. 26th, 2009|06:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | The Carlton, Atascadero, CA | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  safe | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Andrew Bird "A Nervous Tic Motion Of The Head To The Left" | ] |
"You're what happens when two substances collide
And by all accounts you really should have died..."
Sorry.
I know youve missed me so.
my trip to oklahoma was really good. good for me anyways. i rethought a lot of things for the first time. i guess because it was the first time where i could clear my head and think deeply about things and decisions i had been making lately. i think at home, there is too much to distract me and keep me busy so i neve had time for myself. the south seems to bring that out in me in a way that no other place can. plus, ty and reagans house was super inviting and fun for me. ty worked from home so i wasnt really lonely in the house and i had a great time doing a whole lot of nothing all day and then random fun stuff at night... going to random bars to get lunch boxes for reagans bday... robotic wednesdays!... seeing mewithoutyou and damien jurado in tulsa... french toast night... lightining storm... it was all good. plus, they have a lot of pets which was fun! haha... i dont know... i never get to hang out with pets long enough to like them and hugo, a black lab, was my favorite! he made me want a dog for realz. but i didnt really write about my oklahoma trip because (and i know this is gonna sound silly) i didnt take any photos while i was there. well, minus some film stuff. haha... im silly sometimes. but i really did have a good time. i kinda want to go there every year!
with the seasons ending, new winds have changed as of late, and it seems like who i spend my time with lately has as well. after coming back from the okc, taylor pretty much told me that i am a constant bad reminder of the past for him and would rather not hang out with me at all. (weird considering we didnt really have that bad of times i feel, but ok) but i thought that perhaps that is for the better, for his own sanity. he came back from his medical leave a few weeks ago, but we have yet to work together as he has switched to work solely at night. i personally have no problem with the dude and would like to hang out with him again and really think he needs a friend right now, but if he feels hes doing better without me in his life, more power to him. far be it from me to be a constant bad reminder in life, although i still dont know how i wronged him exactly. whatever.
in leiu of not hanging out with him, i have started to spend time with new/old friends if you will. haha... that sounds silly, but it been nice getting to know people that ive know or known of for a long time but are only now getting around to hanging out with them. its kinda... strange i guess. but good i think. at least to make friendships that i already had all the more deeper. hanging out with ashley has been really fun... its been nice going out again and the battle of the salons was definitely something... well, new. haha... but i had a lot of fun and it wasnt even just checking out really strange hairdos and outfits. i think being an "awesome power couple" and "nice eye candy" in a room full of strangers who think i have a "unique look" can be fun. walking into a room where people stop and stare at you is a... not necessarily good but an "interesting" feeling. not that i really need that ego boost anyways. :) also, ive decided to make josh my newest bearded brother (in law). so far, he is my new favorite person. its funny because i havent found anything wrong with him yet... haha. that sounds funny. but i had a lot of fun with him at hardly strictly bluegrass and, you know, hes an unknown familiar and fits the usual style of dude that i like to befriend. a guy thats a musician/scene/too cool for me to actually hang out with but i try to anyways. haha... that makes me wonder sometimes why i relate with musicians... i mean, i enjoy music, but i by no means at all want to be a musician or desire the awkward fame that comes with being a musician or those associated with them. but i think maybe i just like musicians because of the i guess... relation of the arts if you will. i mean, i consider myself an artist (of sorts) and so i guess when im with like minded people in that of the artistic, whether it be in the form of photos, music, fashion, etc, i feel comfortable with them like im at home.
Also, i hung out with drew yesterday which is pretty much a miracle. i still dont know how that even happened really. but it was fun.
oh yes, hardly strictly bluegrass. now there was an experience. much better than last year for me, which was burdened by time constraints and pulling my luggage through dirt roads and forests, this time was a blast. staying at hayli and skyes apartment was probably the best thing since they lived 2 blocks away from the park so everything was always within close distance, although we did miss mc hammer which i was disappointed about. but it was really fun to be in a place with a lot of my friends listening to music all day long. and there were people from orange county... tennessee... people i didnt even know who lived in the bay area... all over the place! i love having friends everywhere and them being all in one spot. its nice to turn a corner and see a familiar face you know? while i was there i got to see the "he aint gonna email you no mo" singers at a muni station. i also got to look through an old ag high school yearbook and found zac efrons freshman photo... hes a big dork. also, zeb was out of control constantly. oh my God... i dont even want to talk about it right now... marleigh and her friends rented this insanely nice villa in the rich part of sf, which had this crazy view of the whole city. we hung out there the first night of the festival and sang songs til 3am as usual. i also got to hang out with dylan there which i was very happy about... i love that dude so much. the day we got into town, sierra and i went to see david bazan and i asked him if he wanted to go out on a date. he shot me down, but whatever. obviously hanging out with cameron was much more important than me. haha... also i got to see aimee mann perform and now my life has come full circle. interesting how things like that work out.
in this moment, i am safe. |
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| dastardly devil. |
[Sep. 23rd, 2009|08:51 pm] |
hi.
i have a lot to say but so little time (starring mary-kate and ashley olsen) to say it.
i am starting to get a horrible feeling in my stomach lately. it comes in waves. (cathys fault im sure... every single time she walks into the room) i think its an odd fear of the truth that im finally coming to realize. how to get rid of this feeling i am not sure.
i like to fix things if they are broken. some people like to ignore problems or simply forget about them, but i, at least, like to try and fix them. but when it comes to this, well... i think that my lack of experience may be my downfall. i dont think i can fix this big of a mess.
i think working so much is causing my mind and my body to go insane. it never seemed this bad at kmart so i wonder what is really the difference? maybe i just need to be unemployed and grow my beard out again. start bumming around town you know? good thing whiskerino is in a few months. it will be happy times im sure.
i have a lot of film to finish/develop/scan as of late, hence the lack of proper updates and photos as thats all i shoot lately, but i promise they are coming sooner than later.
also, i have a very bad case of wanderlust lately.
everyone plans trips but/without me.
guess ill have to take matters into my own hands once again. |
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| one page at a time. |
[Aug. 6th, 2009|06:22 pm] |
"And it's impossible to tell
How important something was
And what you might have missed out on
And how it might have changed it all
And how you might have changed it all for him
And did I? Did I?
Did I? Did I?
Did I? Did I?
Did I? Did I miss out on you?"
a lot of stuff has happened lately. most of it not very good.
probably the reason why i havent updated in so long.
i mean, why tell people about bad stuff going on in your life?
but dont worry. ill explain.
well, first off the quarter life crisis has officially begun for me. i turned 25. i mean, i had a great birthday... in fact, it was pretty nuts and made me miss my old ways. really its not that big of a deal, more just a number. but an ever growing number closer to the fact that i feel like ive done nothing and everything with my life at the same time. of course, while most of my friends are off getting married, buying homes and having babies, im still churning out those espresso drinks, going on tour and then traveling all over the country in my spare time. its give and take i guess and i think that the taking is finally starting to wear on me. since ive hit that two-five, ive really been contemplating on what i should be doing with my life, as opposed to what i want to do with my life. plus its hard being alone lately. its freeing knowing that im not tied down to anything or anyone, but sad that i have nothing to come home to or a home to come to at all.
this summer has been interesting especially as the majority, if not everything i had planned this summer did not work out at all. in fact, this has probably been one of the most uneventful summers ive had in quite a long time. looking back at my calendar, i spent most, if not all of the season working full time. nothing wrong with that, but for me, well, thats not very usual.
the biggest and most upsetting of all to me is that my plans to finally move out of here with taylor are most likely never going to happen. why you ask? because he doesnt want to be my friend anymore. at all. this is the one thing that hurts my heart most of all lately as i have never in my life had anyone not want to be my friend anymore. i mean, yes there are people you no longer see, move away, or just kind of drift apart from, but to actually choose not to befriend someone. i have never had that before. it really makes me want to check myself and see what the hell is wrong with me to be honest. but if you know taylor, then you will realize that the problem is not so much with me as it is him, and i am saying this with no ego at all. i, for the life of me, cannot see how i have wronged him at all and knowing his background, i can only assume he makes these things up in his head. a few days ago, he told me he started taking a new medication. when i asked why, he said it was because he stopped taking his old one 3 months ago in the hopes that self medication would work. obviously, it did not. and this actually explains a lot: the mood swings, the contstant flake outs & lies and mostly why the person that he is now is almost completely different from the dude that i hung out with 3 months prior. while i am glad that he has started to take his medication again and hope that i will get my old friend back from it, a part of me believes that he will never be able to kick his drug habit again, and worst of all, probably will not want to ever. he has even said this himself. and what sucks is that i really dont think i could ever live with someone like that.
so in one fail swoop, i not only lost my soon to be roommate and my plans of moving away from the area, but i also lost my best friend. of course, whats even worse is that we work together and have a lot of the same friends and hang out in the same areas, so i have to see him doing all of these things constantly and its hard to watch an old friend slowly destroy himself. not only that, but because of this, work is not only difficult, but i have also lost the one person i liked working with a lot and his image is tarnished in front of everyone because of all that has happened between us. (not my intention obviously, but people wonder why we are not friends, i have to tell them what happened) after this, i realized that everything i had planned was now ruined and i had to start from square one. although not a total loss, as this was his idea more than mine, i was just going with it, it just made me mad that i now have to think of another plan.
more recently (and probably because of this), i have decided to out my time and energy into more, i guess, "adult decisions": namely what/who i am spending my money on and why, and what is best for me, not only right now but also into the future. these concerns mainly focus on two things: career choice and the vehicle i drive. (normally, i would put where to live in that category as well, but for now, i would rather put that money and energy into something more tangible like a car) i decided that now would be the best time to sell and buy myself a new car as i have a steady income, very little debt, lots of money and free rent at my mothers house. the car i choose will be something i want and need this time, as opposed to what is just available, but also something with little miles that i hope i can make last a lot longer than my previous cars thats for sure.
i have been searching for a new car lately as my car just hit 100k and i want to sell it before it loses all of its value. i am a bit unsure of what i want, other than i know i want something small still and preferably a hatchback/wagon/5 door. so far i have come down to a few choices... most notably the honda fit, nissan versa or scion xd (no, not the boxy scion, the actual car one). unfortunately, all of these cars are still fairly new and finding a used one under $10,000 is proving difficult. i actually test drove a scion xa in santa barbara this past weekend, but didnt really like it. plus the wagon part of the car was tiny! i need to be able to hold something back there at least! the xd is the much better and upgraded version of the xa, which includes a larger wagon space and improved design (ie. the speedometer in front of the steering wheel and not in the center of the dash!) but still fairly new in comparison money-wise. same problem with the honda fit. i would LOVE to have that car, but its only been around since 2008 and i cant find anything used about it really. the nissan versa is a car im familiar with since i rented it while i was in atlanta. i really liked driving it around and its really spacious inside too. most likely, i will get this car over the two, but it also is fairly new too and im having trouble finding an affordable used one. i found a salvaged one on craigslist for really cheap the other day, but by the time i emailed the owner it was already gone. i was sad, but i hope to get one soon... if not just to make whiskerino even more epic. cross country road trip #27!
as far as career choices go, i have a feeling even moving in the starbucks chain of command just isnt going to happen, regardless of how hard i try. at this point in my working world, i am in fact, more competent than some of the people above me, yet am not promoted and dont think that i will be moving up anytime soon as again, all of the people above me are not going anywhere. plus, my heart is not in the product. i mean, i like my customers and my co-workers fine, but without a passion for what you are doing, it seems like pointless busy work most of the time. i just feel like my efforts could be put into other things obviously. i have started applying at different business around the area in the hopes of at least having something different to do for the same amount of money but am still looking for something that i want to do in the back of my head. at this point, i see something professional-wise. dont ask me why. but thats what i see. i may not like it too much, but perhaps that is my path.
in two weeks i will be headed to oklahoma to hang out with ty once again. a random bit of stability in my life, the flat plains of the midwest are a good place for me to think about things and ty is a good guy to talk to as well. i hope that i will get some relaxation while im there. this trip comes out of failed plans to finally go to portland, something im hoping will still happen in the future. if i do get a new car soon, i plan on taking a mini road trip down south and possibly to arizona as well to visit friends, along with an even bigger cross country road trip in february to coincide with whiskerino (if it happens hopefully).
looking back on this entry, i seem so serious, but really im just speaking my mind. most likely, none of the things i have said will end up happening and in one year i will probably typing the same exact thing i did here. ah well...
keep up the faith. |
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| I still hope, ever so much. |
[Jul. 22nd, 2009|08:39 pm] |
"It's not the way that you look, no
It all depends how you feel
It's just the way that it is
I wanna be you"
i think for the first time in my life, i probably care TOO much.
and even now, RIGHT NOW, i cant escape it.
i didnt even know that was possible. |
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| now i have this stuff thrown all over me. |
[Jun. 16th, 2009|09:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | mewithoutYou "Every thought a Thought of You" | ] |
"No one here to believe but You
Everyone else is bound to leave but You
When we swear, MY LOVE IS REAL!
we mean I like the way you make me feel...
There is no one here to believe but You."
Yeah...
I have to make some tough decisions soon. |
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| Mini-vacation time. |
[Jun. 3rd, 2009|11:48 am] |
i write this flying 30000 feet above the earth on a plane going to california and what a whirlwind of a weekend did i have. for those uniformed, i, along with a whole bunch of other people, flew to atlanta for kaitlyn and sams free wedding. yes thats right... FREE. but before we get to that, i must say that this 3 day weekend in atlanta is probably the most expensive 3 days ive ever spent doing anything in my entire life. part of this was poor planning on my part, but also poor planning as far as the vendors letting us know what to do/where to go/whatever with the wedding. i mean, i didnt even know what day the wedding was until a month ago. then again, i cant complain about it because everything is free but it sure did cost us a lot of money. :) overall, after the plane ticket from la to atlanta, the rental car (because i was unsure if i would actually need one or not... i didnt really btw and didnt even drive it one of the days i was here) and the parking/valet fees (they are EVERYWHERE and it seems impossible to just be able to find a free parking lot anywhere in the city) and the hotel room with its own courteous valet parking that costs you $20/day, i probably spent about $500 or so. gross... but thems the breaks i guess. but i suppose by having all of these "luxuries" that i dont normally have on my trips, i actually had a very comfortable stay altogether which in the end i think i appreciated even more than anything else. i really needed a vacation of sorts, especially with all of the stuff that has happened in may, its been kinda ridiculous. it was nice, albeit lonely at times, to have my own hotel room all to myself to do whatever i wanted and staying up until 5am listening to grizzly bear all night long and chatting on moustache may. a part of me wished someone was there with me at times for company, but i think i had better time by myself. i just felt guilty being in a city of people that i never see but instead choosing to be in my hotel room. im glad that i got it for $40/night thanks to hotwire.com! with those parking fees though, it might as well have been $60... jeez. oh and although i didnt take it to its fullest potential, the rental car was a nice ride. a brand new nissan versa with only 6000 miles on it. i really liked driving that thing around atlanta, even though their freeways and signage could use a lot of work to make them clearer. it kinda sucked though because i spent so much of my time driving just being lost and/or finding a place to park. (thank God i have an awesome phone with a gps on it...) it was kind of silly at times. granted, driving at 1am around atlanta with a full car trying to find some bar rickie and pete were at on ponce de leon st was one of my favorite times of the trip. but im glad that i not only got the under 25 years fee covered (im 24 and 11 months!) but got 50% off because of my work benefits! yay! i wish i had driven it at some point on saturday though, but i drove with chris to nashville which is probably when i would have used it.
oh yes... theres a lot of moustached mayhem that happened as well. first off, on saturday i finally met brandon! i was so happy to see him for the first time and have my arms around him, i cant even tell you. it really was like a part of my life was complete... well, not that seriously, but he just made my heart happy in a way that only a few can do... plus hes a really nice dude that i could probably spend hours talking with about nothing and everything. really... it was crazy meeting him. because i mean, ive known the dude online for almost 2 years now and he was one of my best friends in whiskerino, chat and comment-wise. and when he didnt come to the throwdown last year, i was really bummed about it. but he said hes already made it a point to clear february specifically for the throwdown in 2010. wait... 2010... thats weird. anyways, so i very much decided to take the opportunity to meet him since i just happened to be in atlanta at the time. so all we did was have lunch together, but it was such a relief to... i dont know... talk to him in person about so many things that i wanted to say and stuff that we totally knew about but had never talked about before... it was just a super great time. i wished that i could have spent more of the day with him even just sitting down to chat some more. i told him after lunch that he is totally someone that, if we lived in the same city, i would hang with all of the time. and after lunch with brandon i went with chris (aka cdub/dubtastic/etc) to nashville. it was about a 3 hour drive or so from atlanta, but it was a good time for sure. to date, i have probably spent more time with him because of that trip than any other whiskerino/moustache may person, second only to ty and ryan hale probably. but we had a good long talk the way and the way back. and i mean, TALK. to the point where he never even turned on music until the very end of the trip when we were already back in atlanta and he was just trying to find my hotel. but we discovered a lot of things about each other, including similar family issues involving not knowing our fathers and then discovering that they actually had other kids that we didnt know about, of course mine being a lot more recent than his of course. but man, did we share some stories together. it was really nice to be able to talk to someone that i technically didnt know very much about except online about my life and his life. its kinda crazy how somewhat strangers that had hung out a few hours before in our entire lives could share so much about each other. it made me feel not only that i could really truly make friends with someone anywhere i go, but also that my story is not that much different from a lot of other folks out there. basically, im not alone in this one. he knew almost exactly how i felt about it all... identity crisis, lack of male/father figurehead in the household, issues with having kids ourselves, being a good father and not knowing how to be. it was a nice road trip that i will remember for a long time, and im very glad that i got to share that time with him. plus, we got to go to chick-fil-a, which aint that bad let me tell ya. :) anyways, we drove to nashville because of the stache bashe in celebration of moustache may. i got some flack from certain people for not having a stache anymore, which was expected, but i had a good time. it was nice to see some dudes like chris and ozzy and avast! amongst others all over again, although by that time in the night, i was so burnt out from everything that i was going on, i barely had any energy to really socialize that much, what with waking up at 4 to go to lax and flying all day, then staying up all night driving around atlanta. in fact, at one point in the night i just sat down on a chair by myself because i was so exhausted. i didnt even pay attention to the bands playing at all... but whatever. there was a photobooth set up with some horse backdrop and i got in the group shot and put on a fake moustache that was provided at the door to be in it. i also found out that i have a lot of stache fans while i was there... it was kind of weird, because i was kind of a celebrity if you will to a few people, but i dont know... didnt know i was so popular. they were grateful that i came and that they got to meet me, but were disappointed that i wasnt rockin a stache i guess. haha. after the mercy lounge, a bunch of us went to this greek place open late called... athens i think. i got a gyro that was really good, and everything was going well until cody arrived REALLY drunk, sat next to me and proceeded to talk to me for the rest of the night. dont get me wrong, it was entertaining to say the least, but that dude was gone... it was really funny because he kept talking to me like he knew me as a really good friend, but before that moment i think i had talked to him probably twice at the throwdown and this time around, i was his best friend. haha... oh cody. he kept talking about going to bars at 3am which obviously were no longer open or calling up some girls in a band called gypsy... haha. hes crazy. chris and i ended up staying at his house and trying to go to bed, but he still wanted to hang out and wouldnt let us sleep... i had to help him untie his shoes. good Lord...
Kaitlyn and Sams wedding was awesome. really it was... and the fact that everything was free. ever more amazing. to be honest, i think i had more fun at their wedding than i have at any of the weddings ive been to in the past few years, which i have been to many i must say. i think a part of it was the fact that i was amongst a small group of friends from philly that i dont see very often, and the fact that kaitlyn is the first pretty close friend of mine to get married in the past few years, so i was generally excited for her and sam. when she walked down the aisle and sam started crying once he saw her, i couldnt help but cry too. it showed that he actually was, you know, emotionally driven to get married to her i guess. i actually kinda tear up right now thinking about it. this made me think about my own wedding day and think about what a blubbering baby im going to be once i see my bride walk down the aisle to me knowing that will be the last time we will ever be separated ever again and after we walk back down she will be my love forever and ever. (sorry, you know im a romantic like that... come on.) really though, i love my wife and i cant wait to meet her. anyways, the wedding was small but not really in a cramped way. it was actually really nice for the amount of people attending. and the decor and little things about it, down to the cupcakes and such, were very much something i think kaitlyn would do for her wedding you know? it was very her, even the dress she got. i was very happy for them both... the food was good too, although i felt a little queasy afterwards. i think moreso because it was pretty non-traditional and my stomach wasnt prepared for it. but after a glupped down a ginger ale, i was ready to go tear up the dance floor, which i did. and i finally got to have that dance off with the philly freaks that i never had a chance to do until that moment. it was great! and there was this photobooth where you could take photos that was awesome too! besides that, there were about 6 or 7 photographers there... it was kinda overkill to me actually being used to being the only photographer at weddings you know. but i busted out my film cameras (an sx-70 sonar, holga and the yashica mat) and they wanted me to pose with them and were constantly taking photos of me taking photos and stuff... it was kinda awkward because i felt like an odd showcase. i met a girl there that knew a lot about sx-70s and stuff, which was nice because ive never talked with someone outside of the internet (and minus kaitlyn really) that knew about the camera and film and stuff like that. anyways, after dancing the night away we said goodbye to them with a bunch of sparklers as they drove off into... well, not the sunset but the dark of night to their hotel room i guess. haha. and that was it really. i dropped off rickie, pete, sarah and mike, went to my hotel room and went to bed because i had to wake up early for my flight the next morning. anti-climatic end to the night i suppose... but overall, a really fun, fast paced exciting trip.
to sum up the whole trip... it basically felt like i was just intensely and constantly moving from one party to the next over the course of 3 days in the south and then went home. i was very glad i could pack all of that into the weekend though. if i had spent most of the trip just sitting around doing nothing, i probalby would have been so much pissed. haha...
while on the plane i didnt have much else to do than think. i spent most of that time really thinking and praying over what do with taylor. weve hit an odd patch in our friendship where we either have to work through our differences we have because the inital excitement of a new friendship is fading, or not be friends anymore because we are too different of people with too many disagreements. its so bad that the other day at work he said he doesnt think he wants to be friends with me anymore which later became he doesnt want to be as close of friends anymore. i know i know... this sounds so serious and weve only really known each other for a few months, but im serious. hes probably one of the most "worldly" people to come into my life in a long time so i can forgive him for a lot of things, but there is only so many bad things a person can do until they start to influence you into doing those things too. its weird because... he says i need to experience life more and stuff, but i dont feel like doing stuff i feel weird/guilty/whatever about is the way to truly live life. i mean, this jam packed fun weekend was totally a testimony to that for sure. but if dont work out these differences, i think i may lose him as a friend completely which of course i dont want to, but may have to. i plan on having a long talk with him when i get home and really seeing if we could live together and me, well, not hating him constantly. because i love the dude and dont want to see him waste his life away to nothing. |
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| "everyone in this world is bad, but youre the only good thing in my life." |
[May. 25th, 2009|10:46 pm] |
To believe in love is one thing.
But to live in it something completely different.
Sure, I've made mistakes too. We all have.
But to go to the most outrageous extreme to show someone love.
Even when they don't even want to do it...
That's when you know it is real.
When sacrificing your own for someone else means more to you than your own life.
Then you realize you truly are showing what love is.
My witness is stronger than I ever even imagined.
Praise the Lord. |
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| This has been an interesting month. |
[May. 17th, 2009|08:12 pm] |
it appears my father who i have not known the whereabouts of for the past 15 years or so has been living in miami this whole time. i found this out because one of my two my half sisters found me on myspace and made me aware of their existence.
oh the power of the internet.
i just found out this information a few minutes ago, so i dont know how i feel about this just yet. however, so far its nice to know that someone else out there looks like me i guess. |
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| breakups and makeups/fall asleep while writing this down |
[May. 13th, 2009|05:51 pm] |
i have to go to the doctor.
if i write this down, i will remind myself too. plus it is for my own benefit.
days have been quite long lately. if i am at work, i am at work for too long of a time. if i am not at work, then i have nothing to do and no one to hang out with because there is nobody for me to do so. its quite odd. my days off have been a void of self discovery that i do not like. nights alone are especially the worse.
phil is getting married next month. (i am not the best man btw)
i got an invite in the mail today. however i do not want to go to his wedding.
therefore i am not going to. too bad ill never be his friend again.
taylor and i broke up yesterday.
well not really, but it sounded really funny to say after that.
he didnt break up with me, he just rejected my advances is all. haha.
but now im a big mess.
but we are still planning on moving out together and im very looking forward to that. my mother has returned from the philippines and has been here for only a few days and i already feel oppressed and like i have no where to go. being with a good friend in a new place will probably be the best thing for me especially after how things have been going lately. now if we could just find a place to live...
i miss the internet. moustache may isnt as fun as it should be. mostly because of the lack of internet at my house. its almost like a chore lately too. today mackle didnt like my scanned polaroid college and i thought it rather strange. i noticed one large factor about why mm isnt as fun is because im not hitting up the chat like i used to. when you do then it feels like you are constantly talking to people at least. without that, im just myspace commenting it up you know?
i havent been able to sleep lately again and have been relying on a combo of alcohol + nyquil to get me to bed. its worked well and i can finally get that bottle of chuck out of the fridge. drinking something just to make room is a horrible idea to me and i havent really been enjoying it at all. but right now i am getting so tired i may fall asleep typing this.
im just so tore up from the floor up fo sho, you know what i mean?
also, i do not like that fake digital polaroid photo maker online.
it defeats its own purpose too much.
i was reminded today of a random time in my childhood where i was riding a horse. im pretty sure it was a horse anyways. i remember it being much larger than what i thought a pony would be, but then again i suppose as a kid everything is bigger than you would actually think. and i believe this horse/pony ride was when i was in the philippines. actually now that i write this i am pretty sure it was in the philippines because my helper was filipino and didnt speak much english. anyways, i remember riding the thing and thinking what a waste of time and money this was. i didnt want to ride it. i wasnt enjoying it, nor did i see the appeal or reason why i was supposed to like it. there were many moments in my childhood similar to this where i questioned why this was even happening to me and why i couldnt do something... anything else. or more preferrably, what i wanted to do as opposed to what i was forced to do.
i suppose this is the first memory where i can clearly remember making a consisous decision about something. now that i think about this, i think that for a kid to think in such a way is probably very strange and not much like how a child should think. i guess my brain was much more analytical than it should have ever been, which is true even to this day.
i question a lot of things, if not every single thing. why things go a certain way. why they dont always go my way. why nothing goes my way... ever. sometimes i try to change things to bend to my will, and often that ends up with disastorous results. i suppose this is the Lords way of showing me how my selfish ways are not according to His will.
but ive been realizing that when given the choice of what i actually want and what i want to do, i end up having no idea. i guess because so rarely do i have the actual chance to decide myself. i always factor in everyone else and how they will be effected before i actually do what i want. this is my way of being humble in a lesser sense of the word. tricking myself into thinking that i am being selfless when i really just cant decide. it is easier to blame others for everything else after all. but ive been realizing that no one else thinks like this at all. in fact, ive come to notice that most of the world is full of very selfish people that will do nothing but try what they can to have what they want, which can include stealing or manipulating or lying to get their means. its so weird... because if i did that or acted like that i would feel really bad. perhaps i have a consicious where they do not? not sure, but in the end i feel like i get the short end of the stick and feel more used and abused than anything else.
i sometimes wonder if there is anyone out there as "nice" as i am.
i wonder if i will ever meet someone willing to dedicate themselves to me as much as i try to dedicate myself to them.
i wonder if will ever find someone who truly loves me.
its scary for me sometimes.
because all i ever see is a den of thieves. |
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| you know what? my crappy night wasnt that bad. ha! |
[May. 4th, 2009|03:43 pm] |
well well well. hello there moustache may. how are you? back at camp and doing just fine... and starting off the month quite well. top 10 in fact. goes to show you that i have somewhat of a likening in moustache may. people are expecting me to bring it this year again, but i am way too busy this time around. plus lack of internet isnt going to help the cause much. in fact, my pictures have faltered a bit lately due to things i cannot control, like not sleeping for 2 days and having a pounding headache. but we are getting there. i am hoping to get at least one mayoral vote this month, but im not really going to try that hard. with most of my days off spent out of town at concerts or shooting weddings, my hands are twisted more this month than ever before! but im still in it to win it. plus its nice to chat with my internet friends again. haha....
currently im waiting for taylor to get out of school because we are going to hang out with a friend of his down south. damien jurado is playing today in santa barbara and the avett brothers are playing in hanford next week. i am shooting a wedding up north or thursday and another one in two weeks. and the last week of may is kaitlyn and sams free wedding in atlanta. not to mention working full time, plus taking photos for moustache may and oh yeah, my mom comes home on wednesday. not looking forward to that, but to be honest, i think i am going to be glad this month will be over.
my watch stopped the other day.
not having time on my wrist is making late for a lot of things.
i have been unintentionally skipping a lot of meals lately.
i still have not gotten used to my schedule.
a lot of weird, new experiences have been happening in my life lately. some good, some bad. not going to go into detail right now for lack of time, but some things just needed to happen i guess. but i think this is really a growing experience for me. especially if and when i finally move out of here and to another city.
whoops. |
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| tempted by the fruit of another. tempted but the truth is discovered. |
[Apr. 29th, 2009|09:10 pm] |
makin it work. at least for the most part.
my mom comes home soon. not looking forward to that. awkwardness.... however, i may be moving out soon as well with taylor... somewhere (i hope anyways) and i am looking forward to that.
i am currently moustached. not by choice per se, but more for may. i am not liking that. but i just had a silly moustache party at my house and it was awesome. the photos are amazing. plus moustache may is next month and it will totally be worth it. i am looking forward to that next month.
my hair is also ridiculously long. i dont like it and dont look forward to looking in the mirror ever. however, a customer handed me her card and implied that i get my hair cut from her saying that she would "love to get her hands on my hair". i think i might let her. well maybe. looking forward to a hot new haircut soon.
i work too much lately and i am not looking forward to working tomorrow. but i work with taylor almost everyday and i look forward to that. sucks when he leaves though. but i think he might be the best chill friend that ive had in a LOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGG time. for realz.
i just bought a bunch of stuff online. not looking forward to those bills. but i did get some cool stuff. a new cell phone, the t-mobile g1, of which i love <3! haha... and i just bought a clear case and a custom skin for it (photobooth and red plaid!)... which is weird because i have NEVER bought a cell phone accessory in my life before, but this phone kinda demands more from me i feel like.... haha. anyways, i also just bought a nice new camera bag, battery and uv filter so i can finally have a proper place for all of my camera stuff. i am very much looking forward to getting all of this stuff in the mail soon.
im currently texting with ty on my new phone and its so much easier im actually keeping up with him. haha... i love it. i guess all i really needed to text was a real keyboard!
also, twinkies? now this is just getting silly. |
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| a whole new kind of crappy. |
[Apr. 11th, 2009|09:04 pm] |
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| | Home | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Blind Pilot "One Red Thread" | ] |
for the first time ever i can honestly say that i have enough film in my fridge. actually at this point, i would go so far as to say that it is almost too much. to where i am trying to find ways to use it all before it goes bad. and also before my mom comes back home to fine her fridge full of film and no room for food.
"....what? am i really jealous? im not really sure..."
i ordered a new cell phone yesterday. should get it pretty soon. im excited about almost kind of trying to keep up with technology again. now i just need a new computer, an mp3 player and a hybrid car and ill be set.
ive been noticing lately that the older i get the more difficult things seem to be in life. having to choose where to live for example. difficult. what profession to spend your life doing. difficult. whether to bit the bullet and do the job that you hate or to spend your life chasing the dream that you once had. i think we all go through these ideas and thought process once in a while. should we really settle for less? do the majority choose to do so? settling? im pretty sure ive written here in the past that i would never settle. both in context and in location, but ive been wondering now if i have actually fallen into that trap without even noticing it. working the same work day after day. even putting on a tie... how unlike me. or am i shaping myself into the person i should have been all along? i think of myself as an intelligent enough person, however cocky that sounds, but i wonder if my paths that i have chosen were really the ones that i was meant to be on. sure i have health and can see, but is that where i am meant to be? i have never been so uncertain in such a long while as this moment in time.
but all of this writing means nothing and everything all at once. the moment i finish writing this, everything will go back to how it was before. we will not change a thing. i will not change a thing. its not that easy. we like to be comfortable, no matter how uncomfortable it makes us.
"didnt life seem much more simpler back in the day?"
three wedding next month. damien and the avett bros, and let us not forget to mention moustache may. yeesh. what a busy month. oh yeah, i still need to find plane tickets.
tomorrow is easter and once again, i have an empty house with no one to celebrate the pinnacle of all that Jesus Christ has done for us. all i have planned is making coffee at church on the only day off i had this week. holidays like this are not as fun for gentiles i must say.
however i have a bit of hope. new bonds and pacts have been formed. i am not alone in this fight. i think we just dont want to be hurt again is all.
"saving yourself can only happen with the help of others."
also, and im just putting this out there for my own sake once again, but i am sick and tired of sex and i havent even had it yet.
what? it seemed somewhat appropriate at the time.
dang. this is best journal entry ive had in a while. praise the Lord. |
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| even with such a lifespan here, i had only one really crappy day. |
[Mar. 27th, 2009|08:38 pm] |
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| | Home | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Fiona Apple "Oh Well" | ] |
"Oh what a cold and common old way to go
I was feeding on the need for you to know me
Devastated at the rate you fell below me
What wasted unconditional love
On somebody
Who doesn't believe in the stuff
Oh well..."
yes... yes, you dont have to tell me.
i know. ive known for a while actually.
but i had a hard time bringing myself to do it.
no news is good news i guess, which means that i havent really had news to report so to speak. i have obviously returned from my trip to illinois and not much has happened since. i mostly work, eat and sleep everyday. but then again so do millions of people around the world everyday. i am just one of them as well.
my trip across the united states made me realize how much i missed traveling. when i worked at kmart it was really easy for me to take a weekend off and go to wherever i wanted. i guess i feel like i dont really have that freedom as much as i used to. perhaps it is the fact that some people who live in other places are not my friend anymore. perhaps its because those that live in other places are too busy or have their own lives to lead without me in them. whatever the case, i feel like i dont have the escape from the everyday drudgery of life any longer. that is unless i leave the state of california or something.
coincidentally, i am planning a few trips this year in the hopes to leave the state more often. the first being this may on a road trip to hopefully visit mr. hale in arizona, as taking a plane there and back would cost over $300, i thought i might as well drive and it be cheaper. i am hoping to do so in may just in time for the stache bash, or at least something like it. other than that, i hope to head back to illinois to visit jon & bethany as well as possibly go to cornerstone. that seems so far away though i should start planning it now. and of course, there is the whiskerino throwdown to look forward to toward the end of this year. and although its not leaving the state by any means, taylor and i are going to san francisco next weekend.
oh yes, that reminds me... i have yet to mention taylor. he is my newest friend but he is an old familiar at the same time. as typical with rolling in the same crowds, he is from paso (kinda) and knows most all of the same people/music/whatever that i do. he moved from pismo to here as a transfer at my work. he comes at a nice time too as i could use someone around me the majority of the time that i love. its been an interesting journey he and i have had. we have hung out everyday since we met (well minus one day that is). that sounds extreme, but keep in mind we work together too. its kinda nice because we are pretty similar people with familiar backgrounds and can read each other pretty well for knowing each other for such a short time period. its nice to have a friend these days too. however, he seems hellbent on accidentally destroying everything at my house including scratching the wood floor and having his car leak oil all over the driveway. my mom is going to be so mad when she gets back.
oh yes, my mom is in the philippines again. this time for 3 months while she stays at her beach house that they built. thats right, beach house. but whatever. so i have the house to myself, which is nice because i can leave stuff wherever i want and play music really loud whenever i want, but it is oddly lonely. i have taylor stay here sometimes to keep me company. hes really nice about it. i like having people over as well. ive always had the gift of hospitality i guess. but i feel kinda trapped here too because i have to upkeep the house, watering plants, constantly cleaning up, paying bills for my mom, not to mention the ridiculous tasks that she asks me to complete for her while shes gone, like mailing her copies of the la times sports section and coastal living magazine, which i can only find at barnes and noble by the way, and also transferring $1000 to her bank account because she wants to build a fence? yes, this is what my mom does with her money. builds $1000 fences in the philippines for her beach house that she lives in for a few months out of the year halfway across the world. but needing to be here is making me claustrophobic. in fact looking at my calendar for this month of march, other than my work schedule and a few meetings for various things, i had absolutely nothing planned. it was kinda sad. luckily, i had every monday off and so did taylor coincidentally, so our sundays ended up being our funday. (haha...) but other than that, not a single thing planned.
oh there was a trip to santa cruz to see david play at a house show last month. super awkward setting, but enjoyable time nonetheless. it was nice to see him play and catch up for a bit. ann is pregnant again and they will be having a boy sometime in june he said. thats nice new to hear for me at least. i like to hear it when families continue to grow. and he was having a good time on the house show tour. i was going to have him play at my house but didnt end up working out because my mom was still here when he was coming through. too bad because it would have been really fun to have all my friends there you know?
with all of this work and no play, im starting to get a bit crazy. like the shining style for realz. and my ankles hurt constantly from standing for long periods of time. it makes me wonder why i work this much at all to be honest. i really want to just quit in the middle of work someday. i think i will... haha. but i make a lot of money i guess. ive been buying a lot of stuff lately with that money too. and remember how difficult it was for me to get credit? well since ive bought all of this stuff, i have achieved really good credit and got an american express card the other day. i also got an offer from my bank for a credit card with a limit of $4500?! yeah... i REALLY dont need that right now. but ive been buying a bunch of stuff... like i got a polaroid pogo for $30 on ebay. it sucks kinda but its super fun. i also bought a yashica-mat 124 which is an old tlr that uses medium format film. i also have purchased a lot more film lately, including a bunch of old expired 35mm and 120mm film for super cheap in ebay, and a LOT of peel apart film, polaroid and fuji. i have been having a lot of fun with these cameras as of late. i got a bunch of new ones, most notably a polaroid automatic 100 land camera and a polaroid big shot used for portraits. i even bought a external flash and a new lens for my 40d, which im sad to say has been a bit neglected lately because of my current love for all things film. its been nice though. ive been loving every shot ive been taking lately and its great.
my hair is getting long. i have quite a love/hate relationship with it.
i have also gained weight and can fit into a select few of my clothes now. i only have a hate relationship with that. but im working on it.
also, for the first time ever i am actually satisfied by how much film (polaroid, 35mm, 120mm, etc.) i have in my fridge. i think mostly because there is more film in there than food. priorities you know.
i guess i really am a real photographer as taylor so eloquently put it. haha.
oh and did i mention that i was in a wired magazine blog? and they used my photo without permission? and now its also on kennyrogers.com? thats right. check it out. |
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| my last post is an omen to this one it seems... |
[Feb. 4th, 2009|08:26 pm] |
greetings from route 66! or the interstate 40 as it is more commonly known. yes thats right, i type this away in jons truck as we are headed eastbound to oklahoma city to visit ty. sierra and bethany are in front of us in her car and our final destination is illinois to where jon and bethany will soon be moving. its been awhile since ive traversed this road, or even updated for that matter, but like i always say, i only like to update when there is something to say, and this seems update worthy anyways. check out all the photos so far here...
on our journey so far, we stayed with jackie the first night at her and amandas apartment in burbank, then drove across the desert to arizona, where we all of a sudden took a massive detour southbound to visit jons dad in phoenix. i was hoping to have a spur of the moment hang out with ryan hale while in phoenix, but alas, complications with driving, distance and time constraits made it less and less of a reality. but like the man always is, he was grateful that i wanted to hang out with at all and was sad that we would be. (however, i will for sure be seeing him on the return portion of this trip, so its not so bad) we stayed the night at jons dad's house and then drove up to flagstaff, which was beautifully covered in light snow, and then eastward again, this time landing in santa rosa, new mexico. we stayed at a hampton hotel (fancy city let me tell you) and had dinner at this random restuarant in the middle of nowhere with pretty bad service, at least for everyone but me. my meal was good... and sopapillas! yum! in the morning we ate a nice complimentary continental breakfast (what does that REALLY mean anyways?) and took a few of the leftovers for the road. that was this morning... and here we are on the road again. weve blown through texas and are now coming up on the good old okc. im excited to see my friend ty wayne for sure. his is a face that will make me happy to be embraced.
we stopped at a few trading posts on the way and i bought some sunglasses because i forgot to bring mine and i was being blinded by the sun a lot. the trading post that i got them from actually looked like all the glasses had been there since 1982 and had been untouched. i got these blue ones because they were the most normal looking ones... seriously. and as an extra bonus, they just happened to match my sweatshirt nicely. i also picked up some postcards of old sepia photos from the frontier days. i really just want to put them in a frame at my house than give them to anyone. selfish i know... but i did pick up a funny magnetic postcard for 10 cents that i think i will send to my work for fun. plus then they can put it on the bulletin board... haha. anyways, sierra and i fly back on tuesday from st louis to phoenix with a 4 hour layover to hang out with the hale, then to san luis airport at 10 that night, which i am happy about because then we dont have to deal with the hassle of trying to find a ride back from la or sf. but so far the trip has been pretty fun. i have never taken so many rest stops or detours on a trip before, and we dont seem to be in too much of a hurry either, so the pace is nice and not so stressful. i guess im used to driving from 6am to 2am the next day because we have to hurry to get somewhere on time. this time though its kind of the opposite. although i must say having two cars is kind of weird and also with the truck being a stick and sierra and i not knowing how to drive it makes it lame for jon because he has to drive so much. although he seems to be taking it kinda well i think. at least hes not really complaining. i actually havent driven that much at all so far except for one time through arizona into new mexico. also the odd winter season if you will is funny to drive through in these normally blistering hot states, but im enjoying it actually. it makes me kinda want to drive in february/march more often if its gonna be this easy...
EDIT: ...i forgot to update while at ty's house so now i have to say, well... we made it to illinois! and i now write from jon and bethanys new home! but first let me talk about how we got here. well, we got to oklahoma city at about 6 and met up with ty and reagan. i didnt realize how much i missed his house until i was back in it. i did spend the majority of my trip inside the home so it was good to be back home if you will... haha. also, the kitty is so big! ah! anyways, it was also very good to see ty and while we had a lot of fun, it was very evident that one night of hanging out was not satisfactory for me. i guess i kinda forgot how much i missed him until i saw his face again.
we stayed up too late and then woke up even later (thanks to bethanys phone alarm not going off) but luckily tys alarm to go to work woke me up so we could get an early start at least somewhat. ty told us before we left that dennys was supposedly giving away a free grand slam the next day, so we planned on stopping at one on the way. too bad every single dennys we found online had closed down! seriously! in tulsa and in joplin, and even ty couldnt find one open in oklahoma city! i think it was all a clever prank or some dennys restaurants didnt want to do it, so they closed down for that day. (those jerks) but anyways, we ended up eating at a waffle house in joplin that was right next to the supposed former dennys. and man it was good. if i didnt have to pay for it, then it would have made up for the lack of the free grand slam that day. while in joplin, i texted jonshell to see if we could hang out but he was in class while we were there. i went to his starbucks and left him a mug award. :) from there we then basically drove the whole way until we got to illinois. i ended up driving for 4 hours straight and didnt even realize it. the trip and of itself was actually the easiest of all the trips i think ive ever done. then again, perhaps having done this so many times before it seems like second nature now. (that sounds a bit astute and pretentious for me to say, but i speak only truth) the best part is that we didnt really hit any bad weather at all and in fact just missed it the week prior. there was a lot of snow in missouri and illinois, but we had missed the snowfall only by a few days before.
weve only been here at jon and bethanys new place for a day, but shes already decorated it to make it feel like home, or at least her home. theres a cat here. its fat. also, there is a lot of snow here. its kinda funny to drive in... and i am obviously from california. we have about a week left being here and then a day in st. louis and then the flight home. not sure what sierra and i are going to do here for the rest of the week, but im sure if will be fun. i am more worried about what bethany and jon are going to do here for a whole year!
anyways, besides this trip i dont have much going on as usual. i bought a speedlite flash for my camera the other day and its really nice. it makes me love taking photos with flash all over again, which was something ive come to abhor these past few years due to the crappy flash that comes in camera. my polaroid film stash has grow even more than it should have ever, but im ok with that. i keep finding quite the deal online and i cant just pass it up. also, it appears that a few people are attempting to revive instant film. im happy about that and hope all goes well for them.
and i guess thats it. my vacations never last long enough. and right now, i dont really want to go home. i think i just want constant change however ironic that may sound. |
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| thief, steal me a peach |
[Jan. 16th, 2009|10:42 pm] |
i just realized that there are a lot of places that i wish i could be and none of them are here right now. not to mention that work has become more of a nuisance than a place i enjoy being at. i think this may be the biggest sign ive had in a long time.
take me where You will. |
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| i still need to send those care packages... |
[Jan. 10th, 2009|10:08 pm] |
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| | Home | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | better... | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Bon Iver "Blood Bank" | ] |
happy new year everyone.
the past week i have been majorly ill. like, pretty much i had a deadly flu virus that kept me from really doing anything except sleeping. seriously, i was so aching all over my body that i could barely stand let alone move for long periods of time. even the internet was too taxing upon my body... typing was too much of a dexterious task for me to handle. i spent most of the days watching stupid vh1/mtv shows or watching bad movies on tv like just my luck starring lindsay lohan, duplex starring drew barrymore and ben stiller or not another teen movie, which was only fun to watch because it referenced so many of those stupid teen movies it was exciting just to know what they were talking about half of the time. haha. i actually have never watched tv more in the past few years then i probably did during this past week. for serious. but i got so sick of it, that i got frustrated at being sick because i couldnt do anything else. sorry that sounds stupid. but i hate being sick... i feel like a lazy useless sack o' crap when i am sick because i cant do anything and i cant be around anyone because i will infect them. very rarely do i get sick, usually about 3 times out of the year, and usually in winter, but it hasnt been this bad in a while. i even called in sick for two days at work which i havent done since i started. i feel bad because i think the store relies on me too much, but i didnt want to get everyone else sick too, especially always sharing those headsets. i think because i am not sick very often so when i am, it hits me hard i guess. well anyways, i feel a lot better now, with only a little stuffy nose here and there and a mildly sore throat. i was sick over new years too but i still went out to celebrate between the hours of 10pm and 1am... it was kind of silly of me because i was sick at home all day and thenjust went out at night almost later than anyone should in condition... but i even danced! ha! anyways, everyone was over at jesse and jer's house and it was fun even though i was in such a sickly state. it was nice to see everyone in one place too. plus i got kissed (yes, i got kissed. they kissed me and i did not kiss them) by not one, but two people that night. sucks that they were both dudes though... ha! at least jesse stole my gum, i mean... whoops! "spicy kisser over here!"
christmas time was fine. nothing too fancy or special, but it never really is anymore, at least in these past few years. i kinda long for the days when i have children so i can get excited about giving them gifts that they want and enjoy, because i do enjoy giving gifts and finding stuff that people will like, but i feel as though i dont really have anything worthwhile to give right now. i like the excitement that opening christmas presents does though... the surprise and the anxiousness and the mystery of whats inside... its so much fun! plus kids generally just like getting anything and i love to see their faces when they do. but anyways, ive made a few care packages to send to a few friends that live in other cities and states, and a few gifts locally of course, but no one else really. i dont know... kinda sucks i guess. but i think i just want a family to start most of all. but as for what i received this christmas, (because thats what you usually do, tell people what you got, right?) my mom gave me an external 250gb hard drive, a $50 credit to get kodak prints online (i think this came with her camera but she doesnt know how to use the internet so she gave it to me) and a movie theatre gift certificate (which was probably re-gifted but who cares). this is fairly typical of my mom to buy me on christmas as of the past few years. something that is not overly personal, but handy and that i can use for the most part. last year she gave me a leather laptop bag. one year she gave me a portable dvd player... cool yes, but i dont watch movies very often and own about 7 dvds. not to sound ungrateful but its kind of a letdown, you know what i mean? because i opened it and was like, "oh. thanks." not like its bad or anything, but i guess i kinda miss the gift opening experiences that i had as a kid when christmas day was so fun and opening presents was something you waited all year for. but i am thankful that i still get anything at all. ha. as for other presents from other family members, my aunts and uncles gave me the usual envelope with a $20 bill, and one of my aunts gave me movie tickets to a theatre that we dont have on the central coast, so i guess i have to go to santa maria to use it. haha. and my grandpa who i havent seen in so many years gave me $100, which is kinda crazy to me because i dont really have a relationship with him at all, but i think i may be his only grandson. this would my dads dad, who i dont remember seeing very much of ever in my life... not even sure what he looks like to be honest. my mom wants me to write a thank you note to him, which i probably will, but a part of me is scared/feels awkward doing because i dont know what to say in it. im not just gonna write "thank you" because if im gonna go through the trouble of writing something at all, im probably gonna write a lot (as you can see here) but i am unsure as of what to say. perhaps a minor synopsis of my life... i dont know. ill think of something.
anyways, i wasnt sure what i was going to do with all of this money as my wallet is literally bursting with cash right now, but i think im going to buy an external flash for my camera, which im sure i will love once i get used to it. i think i have enough polaroid film to last me into the next 3 years so i wont be buying any of that for a while, but i am also interested in getting the tomy xiao from japan if possible, which is the pogo printer with a digital camera attached. silly i know, but it looks like this is the new polaroid of the digital age. i might was well get the first version of it. but other than the flash, and maybe a new lens or a new computer, i am unsure what to spend money on lately. perhaps nothing... maybe ill just save it instead. especially with the economy the way it is nowadays, i shouldnt be wasting what few dollars i do have to my name. although i have been buying a large amount polaroid film as of late, to where this year will probably be the year i take more film photos than i ever have before in my whole life. but hey, im happy about that. also this year, at least so far, i know of 11 weddings/engagements happening this year. and i thought last year was ridiculous, but this is getting out of hand. im not even sure how im gonna go to all of them to be honest...
we had our sbux 10130 store christmas party a few weeks ago. that was pretty fun. basically a huge photo session, but hey, thats all right with me. becky was my secret snowflake and i had no idea. i thought it was danielle this whole time and i was so wrong... i suck at guessing. she got me a bunch of cool stuff though. i was glad i got her... well, minus the very small and tight pink fierce shirt she got me. haha. i had stan as my ss, and i got him the most random stuff ever it was ridiculous. but the old fireworks i got him at the end seem to please him so i was pleased as well. jons back from seattle and im stoked to be working with him again... that is until he decided to quit the week he got back that jerk. we had a good last day with him though... not too busy and we ordered pizza too! he still wants me to work at applebees with him and make that cash money and im almost contemplating doing it just so we could hang out. but to be honest, i still dont really care that much about making more money. maybe though... i dont know. looks like another night at terry's will soon be upon us... haha. and this time, everyone wants to go. oh dear. i cant wait. |
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| My Top 5 Albums of 2008 (because i was too lazy to do 10...) |
[Jan. 3rd, 2009|02:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | M.I.A. f/50 Cent "Paper Planes" (Remix) | ] |
FIVE:
| MGMT "Oracular Spectacular"
Released: Sony, 2008
Fav Tracks: Electric Feel, Kids, Time To Pretend
"All along the western front
People line up to receive
She got the current in her hand
Just shock you like you won't believe" |
found almost by accidental popularity i guess, i listened to mgmt amongst the sea of other bands that lost vowels in their names, but i enjoyed what i heard. it was an interesting mix of sounds that either worked really well, or not at all, which is what i feel about this album. but when hit rather than missed, it is crafted very well. probably the most unique sound to come out all year.
FOUR:
| Ratatat "LP3"
Released: XL Recordings, 2008
Fav Tracks: Shempi, Mumtaz Khan, Imperials |
at a time when all i was listening to was simply down low and lo-fi, i randomly found a leak of the newest ratatat album on the interweb and fell in love months before its actual release. in comparison with their previous albums, LP3 is definitely a maturing of sorts, with a lot more going on technically than just the usual dj and guitar solo goodness. i even had a chance to see them live this past year and was amazed to see that they created such music with only three people on stage. and some of the tracks on this album seem almost trance and dream like, which isnt a bad thing at all, but can definitely show the scope of where their music can take you, seventeen years and beyond.
THREE:
| Damien Jurado "Caught In The Trees"
Released: Secretly Canadian, 2008
Fav Tracks: Everything Trying, Sheets, Predictive Living
"Is he still coming around like an injured bird needing a nest?
A place to rest his head in a song you'll regret
Still you take him
Lord knows I don't want to compete
But I still sleep in the very sheets he's been in" |
i do this to myself every year, and every year damien comes out with another record and i fall head over heels for it. the way this man writes songs, no matter how simple they may be moves me like no other. before this cd came out i got a chance to download a few demo tracks from the cd, most notably a demo of "Everything Trying", which i not only prefer much more to the actual studio cd version, but ended up being my most played track of 2008 according to my last.fm charts, played almost 300 times. and again, lyrically, this is a very simple track but the way he composes it just makes my heart tune in a keep listening. not sure how he does it, but i hope he does it forever.
TWO:
| Fleet Foxes "Fleet Foxes"
Released: Sub Pop, 2008
Fav Tracks: Blue Ridge Mountains, White Winter Hymnal, Sun It Rises
"In the quivering forest
Where the shivering dog rests
Our good grandfather
Built a wooden nest
And the river got frozen
And the home got snowed in
And the yellow moon glowed bright
Till the morning light." |
Lovely, lovely, lovely. Like a dream that i never had but i can totally picture. what a journey that an album like this can take you on. throughout all the beautiful instrumentation and vocal harmonies, i find myself in a place much better than the one that i had left. music like this doesnt come very often from a debut and im happy that i got to experience it so early on in their career. i still find it weird to see how big this album has become over the past year, seeing them in magazines like nylon (what?) and being sold at places like starbucks and such, but you cant hide such goodness for long as we all know. but this became one of my most listened to cds of the year, where i consistantly put it on repeat and just listen over and over, and even still i will love it every time i put it on.
ONE:
| Bon Iver "For Emma, Forever Ago"
Released: Jagjaguar, 2008
Fav Tracks: Flume, Lump Sum, Skinny Love
"This is not the sound of a new man or crispy realization
It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away
Your love will be safe with me" |
what can i say about bon iver that hasnt already been said? tugging at your heart strings for an entire album, and then gut wrenchingly displaying it for you at the end, this album shows what happens to a person when you unabashedly hide nothing than what your feeling and all the comes forth is entirely great music. this right here kids, is exactly everything that dashboard should have/could have/would have been had he not sold out to the masses. although some could say cheesy and hard to listen to, you can hear the honesty in the sparse vocal delivery and gentle guitar that envelops the listener, as if it was made so gently and softly so that you would be forced to listen and pay attention. from the very beginning of 2008 i have been listening to this album and have not stopped since. if i was to sum up my year in a nut shell, it would definitely be in this album.
Honorable Mention:
| Starflyer 59: Dial M
Released: Tooth & Nail, 2008
Fav Track: Mr. Martin |
although it came out a few months prior, i have only recently purchased this cd about a week ago and havent given it a proper listen to yet. but seeing how it has topped the majority of my friends top 2008 album lists and of course, its starflyer and can do no wrong, im sure i will not be disappointed. |
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| Truth speaks quite loud lately. |
[Dec. 15th, 2008|05:14 pm] |
"You know it isn’t like me to be
Inflammatory.
But rather than let you think that I was
So naive, I'd have you believe.
I never wanted you
I never wanted two.
You never had my heart.
Our love was never true.
I know you never suspected
Because I never said, but
Baby, I was faking the whole time
How could you ever have guessed it?
With no accomplices,
Baby, I was faking the whole time."
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