| now i have this stuff thrown all over me. |
[Jun. 16th, 2009|09:40 pm] |
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| | mewithoutYou "Every thought a Thought of You" | ] |
"No one here to believe but You
Everyone else is bound to leave but You
When we swear, MY LOVE IS REAL!
we mean I like the way you make me feel...
There is no one here to believe but You."
Yeah...
I have to make some tough decisions soon. |
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| Mini-vacation time. |
[Jun. 3rd, 2009|11:48 am] |
i write this flying 30000 feet above the earth on a plane going to california and what a whirlwind of a weekend did i have. for those uniformed, i, along with a whole bunch of other people, flew to atlanta for kaitlyn and sams free wedding. yes thats right... FREE. but before we get to that, i must say that this 3 day weekend in atlanta is probably the most expensive 3 days ive ever spent doing anything in my entire life. part of this was poor planning on my part, but also poor planning as far as the vendors letting us know what to do/where to go/whatever with the wedding. i mean, i didnt even know what day the wedding was until a month ago. then again, i cant complain about it because everything is free but it sure did cost us a lot of money. :) overall, after the plane ticket from la to atlanta, the rental car (because i was unsure if i would actually need one or not... i didnt really btw and didnt even drive it one of the days i was here) and the parking/valet fees (they are EVERYWHERE and it seems impossible to just be able to find a free parking lot anywhere in the city) and the hotel room with its own courteous valet parking that costs you $20/day, i probably spent about $500 or so. gross... but thems the breaks i guess. but i suppose by having all of these "luxuries" that i dont normally have on my trips, i actually had a very comfortable stay altogether which in the end i think i appreciated even more than anything else. i really needed a vacation of sorts, especially with all of the stuff that has happened in may, its been kinda ridiculous. it was nice, albeit lonely at times, to have my own hotel room all to myself to do whatever i wanted and staying up until 5am listening to grizzly bear all night long and chatting on moustache may. a part of me wished someone was there with me at times for company, but i think i had better time by myself. i just felt guilty being in a city of people that i never see but instead choosing to be in my hotel room. im glad that i got it for $40/night thanks to hotwire.com! with those parking fees though, it might as well have been $60... jeez. oh and although i didnt take it to its fullest potential, the rental car was a nice ride. a brand new nissan versa with only 6000 miles on it. i really liked driving that thing around atlanta, even though their freeways and signage could use a lot of work to make them clearer. it kinda sucked though because i spent so much of my time driving just being lost and/or finding a place to park. (thank God i have an awesome phone with a gps on it...) it was kind of silly at times. granted, driving at 1am around atlanta with a full car trying to find some bar rickie and pete were at on ponce de leon st was one of my favorite times of the trip. but im glad that i not only got the under 25 years fee covered (im 24 and 11 months!) but got 50% off because of my work benefits! yay! i wish i had driven it at some point on saturday though, but i drove with chris to nashville which is probably when i would have used it.
oh yes... theres a lot of moustached mayhem that happened as well. first off, on saturday i finally met brandon! i was so happy to see him for the first time and have my arms around him, i cant even tell you. it really was like a part of my life was complete... well, not that seriously, but he just made my heart happy in a way that only a few can do... plus hes a really nice dude that i could probably spend hours talking with about nothing and everything. really... it was crazy meeting him. because i mean, ive known the dude online for almost 2 years now and he was one of my best friends in whiskerino, chat and comment-wise. and when he didnt come to the throwdown last year, i was really bummed about it. but he said hes already made it a point to clear february specifically for the throwdown in 2010. wait... 2010... thats weird. anyways, so i very much decided to take the opportunity to meet him since i just happened to be in atlanta at the time. so all we did was have lunch together, but it was such a relief to... i dont know... talk to him in person about so many things that i wanted to say and stuff that we totally knew about but had never talked about before... it was just a super great time. i wished that i could have spent more of the day with him even just sitting down to chat some more. i told him after lunch that he is totally someone that, if we lived in the same city, i would hang with all of the time. and after lunch with brandon i went with chris (aka cdub/dubtastic/etc) to nashville. it was about a 3 hour drive or so from atlanta, but it was a good time for sure. to date, i have probably spent more time with him because of that trip than any other whiskerino/moustache may person, second only to ty and ryan hale probably. but we had a good long talk the way and the way back. and i mean, TALK. to the point where he never even turned on music until the very end of the trip when we were already back in atlanta and he was just trying to find my hotel. but we discovered a lot of things about each other, including similar family issues involving not knowing our fathers and then discovering that they actually had other kids that we didnt know about, of course mine being a lot more recent than his of course. but man, did we share some stories together. it was really nice to be able to talk to someone that i technically didnt know very much about except online about my life and his life. its kinda crazy how somewhat strangers that had hung out a few hours before in our entire lives could share so much about each other. it made me feel not only that i could really truly make friends with someone anywhere i go, but also that my story is not that much different from a lot of other folks out there. basically, im not alone in this one. he knew almost exactly how i felt about it all... identity crisis, lack of male/father figurehead in the household, issues with having kids ourselves, being a good father and not knowing how to be. it was a nice road trip that i will remember for a long time, and im very glad that i got to share that time with him. plus, we got to go to chick-fil-a, which aint that bad let me tell ya. :) anyways, we drove to nashville because of the stache bashe in celebration of moustache may. i got some flack from certain people for not having a stache anymore, which was expected, but i had a good time. it was nice to see some dudes like chris and ozzy and avast! amongst others all over again, although by that time in the night, i was so burnt out from everything that i was going on, i barely had any energy to really socialize that much, what with waking up at 4 to go to lax and flying all day, then staying up all night driving around atlanta. in fact, at one point in the night i just sat down on a chair by myself because i was so exhausted. i didnt even pay attention to the bands playing at all... but whatever. there was a photobooth set up with some horse backdrop and i got in the group shot and put on a fake moustache that was provided at the door to be in it. i also found out that i have a lot of stache fans while i was there... it was kind of weird, because i was kind of a celebrity if you will to a few people, but i dont know... didnt know i was so popular. they were grateful that i came and that they got to meet me, but were disappointed that i wasnt rockin a stache i guess. haha. after the mercy lounge, a bunch of us went to this greek place open late called... athens i think. i got a gyro that was really good, and everything was going well until cody arrived REALLY drunk, sat next to me and proceeded to talk to me for the rest of the night. dont get me wrong, it was entertaining to say the least, but that dude was gone... it was really funny because he kept talking to me like he knew me as a really good friend, but before that moment i think i had talked to him probably twice at the throwdown and this time around, i was his best friend. haha... oh cody. he kept talking about going to bars at 3am which obviously were no longer open or calling up some girls in a band called gypsy... haha. hes crazy. chris and i ended up staying at his house and trying to go to bed, but he still wanted to hang out and wouldnt let us sleep... i had to help him untie his shoes. good Lord...
Kaitlyn and Sams wedding was awesome. really it was... and the fact that everything was free. ever more amazing. to be honest, i think i had more fun at their wedding than i have at any of the weddings ive been to in the past few years, which i have been to many i must say. i think a part of it was the fact that i was amongst a small group of friends from philly that i dont see very often, and the fact that kaitlyn is the first pretty close friend of mine to get married in the past few years, so i was generally excited for her and sam. when she walked down the aisle and sam started crying once he saw her, i couldnt help but cry too. it showed that he actually was, you know, emotionally driven to get married to her i guess. i actually kinda tear up right now thinking about it. this made me think about my own wedding day and think about what a blubbering baby im going to be once i see my bride walk down the aisle to me knowing that will be the last time we will ever be separated ever again and after we walk back down she will be my love forever and ever. (sorry, you know im a romantic like that... come on.) really though, i love my wife and i cant wait to meet her. anyways, the wedding was small but not really in a cramped way. it was actually really nice for the amount of people attending. and the decor and little things about it, down to the cupcakes and such, were very much something i think kaitlyn would do for her wedding you know? it was very her, even the dress she got. i was very happy for them both... the food was good too, although i felt a little queasy afterwards. i think moreso because it was pretty non-traditional and my stomach wasnt prepared for it. but after a glupped down a ginger ale, i was ready to go tear up the dance floor, which i did. and i finally got to have that dance off with the philly freaks that i never had a chance to do until that moment. it was great! and there was this photobooth where you could take photos that was awesome too! besides that, there were about 6 or 7 photographers there... it was kinda overkill to me actually being used to being the only photographer at weddings you know. but i busted out my film cameras (an sx-70 sonar, holga and the yashica mat) and they wanted me to pose with them and were constantly taking photos of me taking photos and stuff... it was kinda awkward because i felt like an odd showcase. i met a girl there that knew a lot about sx-70s and stuff, which was nice because ive never talked with someone outside of the internet (and minus kaitlyn really) that knew about the camera and film and stuff like that. anyways, after dancing the night away we said goodbye to them with a bunch of sparklers as they drove off into... well, not the sunset but the dark of night to their hotel room i guess. haha. and that was it really. i dropped off rickie, pete, sarah and mike, went to my hotel room and went to bed because i had to wake up early for my flight the next morning. anti-climatic end to the night i suppose... but overall, a really fun, fast paced exciting trip.
to sum up the whole trip... it basically felt like i was just intensely and constantly moving from one party to the next over the course of 3 days in the south and then went home. i was very glad i could pack all of that into the weekend though. if i had spent most of the trip just sitting around doing nothing, i probalby would have been so much pissed. haha...
while on the plane i didnt have much else to do than think. i spent most of that time really thinking and praying over what do with taylor. weve hit an odd patch in our friendship where we either have to work through our differences we have because the inital excitement of a new friendship is fading, or not be friends anymore because we are too different of people with too many disagreements. its so bad that the other day at work he said he doesnt think he wants to be friends with me anymore which later became he doesnt want to be as close of friends anymore. i know i know... this sounds so serious and weve only really known each other for a few months, but im serious. hes probably one of the most "worldly" people to come into my life in a long time so i can forgive him for a lot of things, but there is only so many bad things a person can do until they start to influence you into doing those things too. its weird because... he says i need to experience life more and stuff, but i dont feel like doing stuff i feel weird/guilty/whatever about is the way to truly live life. i mean, this jam packed fun weekend was totally a testimony to that for sure. but if dont work out these differences, i think i may lose him as a friend completely which of course i dont want to, but may have to. i plan on having a long talk with him when i get home and really seeing if we could live together and me, well, not hating him constantly. because i love the dude and dont want to see him waste his life away to nothing. |
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| "everyone in this world is bad, but youre the only good thing in my life." |
[May. 25th, 2009|10:46 pm] |
To believe in love is one thing.
But to live in it something completely different.
Sure, I've made mistakes too. We all have.
But to go to the most outrageous extreme to show someone love.
Even when they don't even want to do it...
That's when you know it is real.
When sacrificing your own for someone else means more to you than your own life.
Then you realize you truly are showing what love is.
My witness is stronger than I ever even imagined.
Praise the Lord. |
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| This has been an interesting month. |
[May. 17th, 2009|08:12 pm] |
it appears my father who i have not known the whereabouts of for the past 15 years or so has been living in miami this whole time. i found this out because one of my two my half sisters found me on myspace and made me aware of their existence.
oh the power of the internet.
i just found out this information a few minutes ago, so i dont know how i feel about this just yet. however, so far its nice to know that someone else out there looks like me i guess. |
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| breakups and makeups/fall asleep while writing this down |
[May. 13th, 2009|05:51 pm] |
i have to go to the doctor.
if i write this down, i will remind myself too. plus it is for my own benefit.
days have been quite long lately. if i am at work, i am at work for too long of a time. if i am not at work, then i have nothing to do and no one to hang out with because there is nobody for me to do so. its quite odd. my days off have been a void of self discovery that i do not like. nights alone are especially the worse.
phil is getting married next month. (i am not the best man btw)
i got an invite in the mail today. however i do not want to go to his wedding.
therefore i am not going to. too bad ill never be his friend again.
taylor and i broke up yesterday.
well not really, but it sounded really funny to say after that.
he didnt break up with me, he just rejected my advances is all. haha.
but now im a big mess.
but we are still planning on moving out together and im very looking forward to that. my mother has returned from the philippines and has been here for only a few days and i already feel oppressed and like i have no where to go. being with a good friend in a new place will probably be the best thing for me especially after how things have been going lately. now if we could just find a place to live...
i miss the internet. moustache may isnt as fun as it should be. mostly because of the lack of internet at my house. its almost like a chore lately too. today mackle didnt like my scanned polaroid college and i thought it rather strange. i noticed one large factor about why mm isnt as fun is because im not hitting up the chat like i used to. when you do then it feels like you are constantly talking to people at least. without that, im just myspace commenting it up you know?
i havent been able to sleep lately again and have been relying on a combo of alcohol + nyquil to get me to bed. its worked well and i can finally get that bottle of chuck out of the fridge. drinking something just to make room is a horrible idea to me and i havent really been enjoying it at all. but right now i am getting so tired i may fall asleep typing this.
im just so tore up from the floor up fo sho, you know what i mean?
also, i do not like that fake digital polaroid photo maker online.
it defeats its own purpose too much.
i was reminded today of a random time in my childhood where i was riding a horse. im pretty sure it was a horse anyways. i remember it being much larger than what i thought a pony would be, but then again i suppose as a kid everything is bigger than you would actually think. and i believe this horse/pony ride was when i was in the philippines. actually now that i write this i am pretty sure it was in the philippines because my helper was filipino and didnt speak much english. anyways, i remember riding the thing and thinking what a waste of time and money this was. i didnt want to ride it. i wasnt enjoying it, nor did i see the appeal or reason why i was supposed to like it. there were many moments in my childhood similar to this where i questioned why this was even happening to me and why i couldnt do something... anything else. or more preferrably, what i wanted to do as opposed to what i was forced to do.
i suppose this is the first memory where i can clearly remember making a consisous decision about something. now that i think about this, i think that for a kid to think in such a way is probably very strange and not much like how a child should think. i guess my brain was much more analytical than it should have ever been, which is true even to this day.
i question a lot of things, if not every single thing. why things go a certain way. why they dont always go my way. why nothing goes my way... ever. sometimes i try to change things to bend to my will, and often that ends up with disastorous results. i suppose this is the Lords way of showing me how my selfish ways are not according to His will.
but ive been realizing that when given the choice of what i actually want and what i want to do, i end up having no idea. i guess because so rarely do i have the actual chance to decide myself. i always factor in everyone else and how they will be effected before i actually do what i want. this is my way of being humble in a lesser sense of the word. tricking myself into thinking that i am being selfless when i really just cant decide. it is easier to blame others for everything else after all. but ive been realizing that no one else thinks like this at all. in fact, ive come to notice that most of the world is full of very selfish people that will do nothing but try what they can to have what they want, which can include stealing or manipulating or lying to get their means. its so weird... because if i did that or acted like that i would feel really bad. perhaps i have a consicious where they do not? not sure, but in the end i feel like i get the short end of the stick and feel more used and abused than anything else.
i sometimes wonder if there is anyone out there as "nice" as i am.
i wonder if i will ever meet someone willing to dedicate themselves to me as much as i try to dedicate myself to them.
i wonder if will ever find someone who truly loves me.
its scary for me sometimes.
because all i ever see is a den of thieves. |
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| you know what? my crappy night wasnt that bad. ha! |
[May. 4th, 2009|03:43 pm] |
well well well. hello there moustache may. how are you? back at camp and doing just fine... and starting off the month quite well. top 10 in fact. goes to show you that i have somewhat of a likening in moustache may. people are expecting me to bring it this year again, but i am way too busy this time around. plus lack of internet isnt going to help the cause much. in fact, my pictures have faltered a bit lately due to things i cannot control, like not sleeping for 2 days and having a pounding headache. but we are getting there. i am hoping to get at least one mayoral vote this month, but im not really going to try that hard. with most of my days off spent out of town at concerts or shooting weddings, my hands are twisted more this month than ever before! but im still in it to win it. plus its nice to chat with my internet friends again. haha....
currently im waiting for taylor to get out of school because we are going to hang out with a friend of his down south. damien jurado is playing today in santa barbara and the avett brothers are playing in hanford next week. i am shooting a wedding up north or thursday and another one in two weeks. and the last week of may is kaitlyn and sams free wedding in atlanta. not to mention working full time, plus taking photos for moustache may and oh yeah, my mom comes home on wednesday. not looking forward to that, but to be honest, i think i am going to be glad this month will be over.
my watch stopped the other day.
not having time on my wrist is making late for a lot of things.
i have been unintentionally skipping a lot of meals lately.
i still have not gotten used to my schedule.
a lot of weird, new experiences have been happening in my life lately. some good, some bad. not going to go into detail right now for lack of time, but some things just needed to happen i guess. but i think this is really a growing experience for me. especially if and when i finally move out of here and to another city.
whoops. |
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| tempted by the fruit of another. tempted but the truth is discovered. |
[Apr. 29th, 2009|09:10 pm] |
makin it work. at least for the most part.
my mom comes home soon. not looking forward to that. awkwardness.... however, i may be moving out soon as well with taylor... somewhere (i hope anyways) and i am looking forward to that.
i am currently moustached. not by choice per se, but more for may. i am not liking that. but i just had a silly moustache party at my house and it was awesome. the photos are amazing. plus moustache may is next month and it will totally be worth it. i am looking forward to that next month.
my hair is also ridiculously long. i dont like it and dont look forward to looking in the mirror ever. however, a customer handed me her card and implied that i get my hair cut from her saying that she would "love to get her hands on my hair". i think i might let her. well maybe. looking forward to a hot new haircut soon.
i work too much lately and i am not looking forward to working tomorrow. but i work with taylor almost everyday and i look forward to that. sucks when he leaves though. but i think he might be the best chill friend that ive had in a LOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGG time. for realz.
i just bought a bunch of stuff online. not looking forward to those bills. but i did get some cool stuff. a new cell phone, the t-mobile g1, of which i love <3! haha... and i just bought a clear case and a custom skin for it (photobooth and red plaid!)... which is weird because i have NEVER bought a cell phone accessory in my life before, but this phone kinda demands more from me i feel like.... haha. anyways, i also just bought a nice new camera bag, battery and uv filter so i can finally have a proper place for all of my camera stuff. i am very much looking forward to getting all of this stuff in the mail soon.
im currently texting with ty on my new phone and its so much easier im actually keeping up with him. haha... i love it. i guess all i really needed to text was a real keyboard!
also, twinkies? now this is just getting silly. |
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| a whole new kind of crappy. |
[Apr. 11th, 2009|09:04 pm] |
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| |  contemplative | ] |
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| | Blind Pilot "One Red Thread" | ] |
for the first time ever i can honestly say that i have enough film in my fridge. actually at this point, i would go so far as to say that it is almost too much. to where i am trying to find ways to use it all before it goes bad. and also before my mom comes back home to fine her fridge full of film and no room for food.
"....what? am i really jealous? im not really sure..."
i ordered a new cell phone yesterday. should get it pretty soon. im excited about almost kind of trying to keep up with technology again. now i just need a new computer, an mp3 player and a hybrid car and ill be set.
ive been noticing lately that the older i get the more difficult things seem to be in life. having to choose where to live for example. difficult. what profession to spend your life doing. difficult. whether to bit the bullet and do the job that you hate or to spend your life chasing the dream that you once had. i think we all go through these ideas and thought process once in a while. should we really settle for less? do the majority choose to do so? settling? im pretty sure ive written here in the past that i would never settle. both in context and in location, but ive been wondering now if i have actually fallen into that trap without even noticing it. working the same work day after day. even putting on a tie... how unlike me. or am i shaping myself into the person i should have been all along? i think of myself as an intelligent enough person, however cocky that sounds, but i wonder if my paths that i have chosen were really the ones that i was meant to be on. sure i have health and can see, but is that where i am meant to be? i have never been so uncertain in such a long while as this moment in time.
but all of this writing means nothing and everything all at once. the moment i finish writing this, everything will go back to how it was before. we will not change a thing. i will not change a thing. its not that easy. we like to be comfortable, no matter how uncomfortable it makes us.
"didnt life seem much more simpler back in the day?"
three wedding next month. damien and the avett bros, and let us not forget to mention moustache may. yeesh. what a busy month. oh yeah, i still need to find plane tickets.
tomorrow is easter and once again, i have an empty house with no one to celebrate the pinnacle of all that Jesus Christ has done for us. all i have planned is making coffee at church on the only day off i had this week. holidays like this are not as fun for gentiles i must say.
however i have a bit of hope. new bonds and pacts have been formed. i am not alone in this fight. i think we just dont want to be hurt again is all.
"saving yourself can only happen with the help of others."
also, and im just putting this out there for my own sake once again, but i am sick and tired of sex and i havent even had it yet.
what? it seemed somewhat appropriate at the time.
dang. this is best journal entry ive had in a while. praise the Lord. |
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| even with such a lifespan here, i had only one really crappy day. |
[Mar. 27th, 2009|08:38 pm] |
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| | Fiona Apple "Oh Well" | ] |
"Oh what a cold and common old way to go
I was feeding on the need for you to know me
Devastated at the rate you fell below me
What wasted unconditional love
On somebody
Who doesn't believe in the stuff
Oh well..."
yes... yes, you dont have to tell me.
i know. ive known for a while actually.
but i had a hard time bringing myself to do it.
no news is good news i guess, which means that i havent really had news to report so to speak. i have obviously returned from my trip to illinois and not much has happened since. i mostly work, eat and sleep everyday. but then again so do millions of people around the world everyday. i am just one of them as well.
my trip across the united states made me realize how much i missed traveling. when i worked at kmart it was really easy for me to take a weekend off and go to wherever i wanted. i guess i feel like i dont really have that freedom as much as i used to. perhaps it is the fact that some people who live in other places are not my friend anymore. perhaps its because those that live in other places are too busy or have their own lives to lead without me in them. whatever the case, i feel like i dont have the escape from the everyday drudgery of life any longer. that is unless i leave the state of california or something.
coincidentally, i am planning a few trips this year in the hopes to leave the state more often. the first being this may on a road trip to hopefully visit mr. hale in arizona, as taking a plane there and back would cost over $300, i thought i might as well drive and it be cheaper. i am hoping to do so in may just in time for the stache bash, or at least something like it. other than that, i hope to head back to illinois to visit jon & bethany as well as possibly go to cornerstone. that seems so far away though i should start planning it now. and of course, there is the whiskerino throwdown to look forward to toward the end of this year. and although its not leaving the state by any means, taylor and i are going to san francisco next weekend.
oh yes, that reminds me... i have yet to mention taylor. he is my newest friend but he is an old familiar at the same time. as typical with rolling in the same crowds, he is from paso (kinda) and knows most all of the same people/music/whatever that i do. he moved from pismo to here as a transfer at my work. he comes at a nice time too as i could use someone around me the majority of the time that i love. its been an interesting journey he and i have had. we have hung out everyday since we met (well minus one day that is). that sounds extreme, but keep in mind we work together too. its kinda nice because we are pretty similar people with familiar backgrounds and can read each other pretty well for knowing each other for such a short time period. its nice to have a friend these days too. however, he seems hellbent on accidentally destroying everything at my house including scratching the wood floor and having his car leak oil all over the driveway. my mom is going to be so mad when she gets back.
oh yes, my mom is in the philippines again. this time for 3 months while she stays at her beach house that they built. thats right, beach house. but whatever. so i have the house to myself, which is nice because i can leave stuff wherever i want and play music really loud whenever i want, but it is oddly lonely. i have taylor stay here sometimes to keep me company. hes really nice about it. i like having people over as well. ive always had the gift of hospitality i guess. but i feel kinda trapped here too because i have to upkeep the house, watering plants, constantly cleaning up, paying bills for my mom, not to mention the ridiculous tasks that she asks me to complete for her while shes gone, like mailing her copies of the la times sports section and coastal living magazine, which i can only find at barnes and noble by the way, and also transferring $1000 to her bank account because she wants to build a fence? yes, this is what my mom does with her money. builds $1000 fences in the philippines for her beach house that she lives in for a few months out of the year halfway across the world. but needing to be here is making me claustrophobic. in fact looking at my calendar for this month of march, other than my work schedule and a few meetings for various things, i had absolutely nothing planned. it was kinda sad. luckily, i had every monday off and so did taylor coincidentally, so our sundays ended up being our funday. (haha...) but other than that, not a single thing planned.
oh there was a trip to santa cruz to see david play at a house show last month. super awkward setting, but enjoyable time nonetheless. it was nice to see him play and catch up for a bit. ann is pregnant again and they will be having a boy sometime in june he said. thats nice new to hear for me at least. i like to hear it when families continue to grow. and he was having a good time on the house show tour. i was going to have him play at my house but didnt end up working out because my mom was still here when he was coming through. too bad because it would have been really fun to have all my friends there you know?
with all of this work and no play, im starting to get a bit crazy. like the shining style for realz. and my ankles hurt constantly from standing for long periods of time. it makes me wonder why i work this much at all to be honest. i really want to just quit in the middle of work someday. i think i will... haha. but i make a lot of money i guess. ive been buying a lot of stuff lately with that money too. and remember how difficult it was for me to get credit? well since ive bought all of this stuff, i have achieved really good credit and got an american express card the other day. i also got an offer from my bank for a credit card with a limit of $4500?! yeah... i REALLY dont need that right now. but ive been buying a bunch of stuff... like i got a polaroid pogo for $30 on ebay. it sucks kinda but its super fun. i also bought a yashica-mat 124 which is an old tlr that uses medium format film. i also have purchased a lot more film lately, including a bunch of old expired 35mm and 120mm film for super cheap in ebay, and a LOT of peel apart film, polaroid and fuji. i have been having a lot of fun with these cameras as of late. i got a bunch of new ones, most notably a polaroid automatic 100 land camera and a polaroid big shot used for portraits. i even bought a external flash and a new lens for my 40d, which im sad to say has been a bit neglected lately because of my current love for all things film. its been nice though. ive been loving every shot ive been taking lately and its great.
my hair is getting long. i have quite a love/hate relationship with it.
i have also gained weight and can fit into a select few of my clothes now. i only have a hate relationship with that. but im working on it.
also, for the first time ever i am actually satisfied by how much film (polaroid, 35mm, 120mm, etc.) i have in my fridge. i think mostly because there is more film in there than food. priorities you know.
i guess i really am a real photographer as taylor so eloquently put it. haha.
oh and did i mention that i was in a wired magazine blog? and they used my photo without permission? and now its also on kennyrogers.com? thats right. check it out. |
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| my last post is an omen to this one it seems... |
[Feb. 4th, 2009|08:26 pm] |
greetings from route 66! or the interstate 40 as it is more commonly known. yes thats right, i type this away in jons truck as we are headed eastbound to oklahoma city to visit ty. sierra and bethany are in front of us in her car and our final destination is illinois to where jon and bethany will soon be moving. its been awhile since ive traversed this road, or even updated for that matter, but like i always say, i only like to update when there is something to say, and this seems update worthy anyways. check out all the photos so far here...
on our journey so far, we stayed with jackie the first night at her and amandas apartment in burbank, then drove across the desert to arizona, where we all of a sudden took a massive detour southbound to visit jons dad in phoenix. i was hoping to have a spur of the moment hang out with ryan hale while in phoenix, but alas, complications with driving, distance and time constraits made it less and less of a reality. but like the man always is, he was grateful that i wanted to hang out with at all and was sad that we would be. (however, i will for sure be seeing him on the return portion of this trip, so its not so bad) we stayed the night at jons dad's house and then drove up to flagstaff, which was beautifully covered in light snow, and then eastward again, this time landing in santa rosa, new mexico. we stayed at a hampton hotel (fancy city let me tell you) and had dinner at this random restuarant in the middle of nowhere with pretty bad service, at least for everyone but me. my meal was good... and sopapillas! yum! in the morning we ate a nice complimentary continental breakfast (what does that REALLY mean anyways?) and took a few of the leftovers for the road. that was this morning... and here we are on the road again. weve blown through texas and are now coming up on the good old okc. im excited to see my friend ty wayne for sure. his is a face that will make me happy to be embraced.
we stopped at a few trading posts on the way and i bought some sunglasses because i forgot to bring mine and i was being blinded by the sun a lot. the trading post that i got them from actually looked like all the glasses had been there since 1982 and had been untouched. i got these blue ones because they were the most normal looking ones... seriously. and as an extra bonus, they just happened to match my sweatshirt nicely. i also picked up some postcards of old sepia photos from the frontier days. i really just want to put them in a frame at my house than give them to anyone. selfish i know... but i did pick up a funny magnetic postcard for 10 cents that i think i will send to my work for fun. plus then they can put it on the bulletin board... haha. anyways, sierra and i fly back on tuesday from st louis to phoenix with a 4 hour layover to hang out with the hale, then to san luis airport at 10 that night, which i am happy about because then we dont have to deal with the hassle of trying to find a ride back from la or sf. but so far the trip has been pretty fun. i have never taken so many rest stops or detours on a trip before, and we dont seem to be in too much of a hurry either, so the pace is nice and not so stressful. i guess im used to driving from 6am to 2am the next day because we have to hurry to get somewhere on time. this time though its kind of the opposite. although i must say having two cars is kind of weird and also with the truck being a stick and sierra and i not knowing how to drive it makes it lame for jon because he has to drive so much. although he seems to be taking it kinda well i think. at least hes not really complaining. i actually havent driven that much at all so far except for one time through arizona into new mexico. also the odd winter season if you will is funny to drive through in these normally blistering hot states, but im enjoying it actually. it makes me kinda want to drive in february/march more often if its gonna be this easy...
EDIT: ...i forgot to update while at ty's house so now i have to say, well... we made it to illinois! and i now write from jon and bethanys new home! but first let me talk about how we got here. well, we got to oklahoma city at about 6 and met up with ty and reagan. i didnt realize how much i missed his house until i was back in it. i did spend the majority of my trip inside the home so it was good to be back home if you will... haha. also, the kitty is so big! ah! anyways, it was also very good to see ty and while we had a lot of fun, it was very evident that one night of hanging out was not satisfactory for me. i guess i kinda forgot how much i missed him until i saw his face again.
we stayed up too late and then woke up even later (thanks to bethanys phone alarm not going off) but luckily tys alarm to go to work woke me up so we could get an early start at least somewhat. ty told us before we left that dennys was supposedly giving away a free grand slam the next day, so we planned on stopping at one on the way. too bad every single dennys we found online had closed down! seriously! in tulsa and in joplin, and even ty couldnt find one open in oklahoma city! i think it was all a clever prank or some dennys restaurants didnt want to do it, so they closed down for that day. (those jerks) but anyways, we ended up eating at a waffle house in joplin that was right next to the supposed former dennys. and man it was good. if i didnt have to pay for it, then it would have made up for the lack of the free grand slam that day. while in joplin, i texted jonshell to see if we could hang out but he was in class while we were there. i went to his starbucks and left him a mug award. :) from there we then basically drove the whole way until we got to illinois. i ended up driving for 4 hours straight and didnt even realize it. the trip and of itself was actually the easiest of all the trips i think ive ever done. then again, perhaps having done this so many times before it seems like second nature now. (that sounds a bit astute and pretentious for me to say, but i speak only truth) the best part is that we didnt really hit any bad weather at all and in fact just missed it the week prior. there was a lot of snow in missouri and illinois, but we had missed the snowfall only by a few days before.
weve only been here at jon and bethanys new place for a day, but shes already decorated it to make it feel like home, or at least her home. theres a cat here. its fat. also, there is a lot of snow here. its kinda funny to drive in... and i am obviously from california. we have about a week left being here and then a day in st. louis and then the flight home. not sure what sierra and i are going to do here for the rest of the week, but im sure if will be fun. i am more worried about what bethany and jon are going to do here for a whole year!
anyways, besides this trip i dont have much going on as usual. i bought a speedlite flash for my camera the other day and its really nice. it makes me love taking photos with flash all over again, which was something ive come to abhor these past few years due to the crappy flash that comes in camera. my polaroid film stash has grow even more than it should have ever, but im ok with that. i keep finding quite the deal online and i cant just pass it up. also, it appears that a few people are attempting to revive instant film. im happy about that and hope all goes well for them.
and i guess thats it. my vacations never last long enough. and right now, i dont really want to go home. i think i just want constant change however ironic that may sound. |
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| thief, steal me a peach |
[Jan. 16th, 2009|10:42 pm] |
i just realized that there are a lot of places that i wish i could be and none of them are here right now. not to mention that work has become more of a nuisance than a place i enjoy being at. i think this may be the biggest sign ive had in a long time.
take me where You will. |
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| i still need to send those care packages... |
[Jan. 10th, 2009|10:08 pm] |
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| | Home | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  better... | ] |
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| | Bon Iver "Blood Bank" | ] |
happy new year everyone.
the past week i have been majorly ill. like, pretty much i had a deadly flu virus that kept me from really doing anything except sleeping. seriously, i was so aching all over my body that i could barely stand let alone move for long periods of time. even the internet was too taxing upon my body... typing was too much of a dexterious task for me to handle. i spent most of the days watching stupid vh1/mtv shows or watching bad movies on tv like just my luck starring lindsay lohan, duplex starring drew barrymore and ben stiller or not another teen movie, which was only fun to watch because it referenced so many of those stupid teen movies it was exciting just to know what they were talking about half of the time. haha. i actually have never watched tv more in the past few years then i probably did during this past week. for serious. but i got so sick of it, that i got frustrated at being sick because i couldnt do anything else. sorry that sounds stupid. but i hate being sick... i feel like a lazy useless sack o' crap when i am sick because i cant do anything and i cant be around anyone because i will infect them. very rarely do i get sick, usually about 3 times out of the year, and usually in winter, but it hasnt been this bad in a while. i even called in sick for two days at work which i havent done since i started. i feel bad because i think the store relies on me too much, but i didnt want to get everyone else sick too, especially always sharing those headsets. i think because i am not sick very often so when i am, it hits me hard i guess. well anyways, i feel a lot better now, with only a little stuffy nose here and there and a mildly sore throat. i was sick over new years too but i still went out to celebrate between the hours of 10pm and 1am... it was kind of silly of me because i was sick at home all day and thenjust went out at night almost later than anyone should in condition... but i even danced! ha! anyways, everyone was over at jesse and jer's house and it was fun even though i was in such a sickly state. it was nice to see everyone in one place too. plus i got kissed (yes, i got kissed. they kissed me and i did not kiss them) by not one, but two people that night. sucks that they were both dudes though... ha! at least jesse stole my gum, i mean... whoops! "spicy kisser over here!"
christmas time was fine. nothing too fancy or special, but it never really is anymore, at least in these past few years. i kinda long for the days when i have children so i can get excited about giving them gifts that they want and enjoy, because i do enjoy giving gifts and finding stuff that people will like, but i feel as though i dont really have anything worthwhile to give right now. i like the excitement that opening christmas presents does though... the surprise and the anxiousness and the mystery of whats inside... its so much fun! plus kids generally just like getting anything and i love to see their faces when they do. but anyways, ive made a few care packages to send to a few friends that live in other cities and states, and a few gifts locally of course, but no one else really. i dont know... kinda sucks i guess. but i think i just want a family to start most of all. but as for what i received this christmas, (because thats what you usually do, tell people what you got, right?) my mom gave me an external 250gb hard drive, a $50 credit to get kodak prints online (i think this came with her camera but she doesnt know how to use the internet so she gave it to me) and a movie theatre gift certificate (which was probably re-gifted but who cares). this is fairly typical of my mom to buy me on christmas as of the past few years. something that is not overly personal, but handy and that i can use for the most part. last year she gave me a leather laptop bag. one year she gave me a portable dvd player... cool yes, but i dont watch movies very often and own about 7 dvds. not to sound ungrateful but its kind of a letdown, you know what i mean? because i opened it and was like, "oh. thanks." not like its bad or anything, but i guess i kinda miss the gift opening experiences that i had as a kid when christmas day was so fun and opening presents was something you waited all year for. but i am thankful that i still get anything at all. ha. as for other presents from other family members, my aunts and uncles gave me the usual envelope with a $20 bill, and one of my aunts gave me movie tickets to a theatre that we dont have on the central coast, so i guess i have to go to santa maria to use it. haha. and my grandpa who i havent seen in so many years gave me $100, which is kinda crazy to me because i dont really have a relationship with him at all, but i think i may be his only grandson. this would my dads dad, who i dont remember seeing very much of ever in my life... not even sure what he looks like to be honest. my mom wants me to write a thank you note to him, which i probably will, but a part of me is scared/feels awkward doing because i dont know what to say in it. im not just gonna write "thank you" because if im gonna go through the trouble of writing something at all, im probably gonna write a lot (as you can see here) but i am unsure as of what to say. perhaps a minor synopsis of my life... i dont know. ill think of something.
anyways, i wasnt sure what i was going to do with all of this money as my wallet is literally bursting with cash right now, but i think im going to buy an external flash for my camera, which im sure i will love once i get used to it. i think i have enough polaroid film to last me into the next 3 years so i wont be buying any of that for a while, but i am also interested in getting the tomy xiao from japan if possible, which is the pogo printer with a digital camera attached. silly i know, but it looks like this is the new polaroid of the digital age. i might was well get the first version of it. but other than the flash, and maybe a new lens or a new computer, i am unsure what to spend money on lately. perhaps nothing... maybe ill just save it instead. especially with the economy the way it is nowadays, i shouldnt be wasting what few dollars i do have to my name. although i have been buying a large amount polaroid film as of late, to where this year will probably be the year i take more film photos than i ever have before in my whole life. but hey, im happy about that. also this year, at least so far, i know of 11 weddings/engagements happening this year. and i thought last year was ridiculous, but this is getting out of hand. im not even sure how im gonna go to all of them to be honest...
we had our sbux 10130 store christmas party a few weeks ago. that was pretty fun. basically a huge photo session, but hey, thats all right with me. becky was my secret snowflake and i had no idea. i thought it was danielle this whole time and i was so wrong... i suck at guessing. she got me a bunch of cool stuff though. i was glad i got her... well, minus the very small and tight pink fierce shirt she got me. haha. i had stan as my ss, and i got him the most random stuff ever it was ridiculous. but the old fireworks i got him at the end seem to please him so i was pleased as well. jons back from seattle and im stoked to be working with him again... that is until he decided to quit the week he got back that jerk. we had a good last day with him though... not too busy and we ordered pizza too! he still wants me to work at applebees with him and make that cash money and im almost contemplating doing it just so we could hang out. but to be honest, i still dont really care that much about making more money. maybe though... i dont know. looks like another night at terry's will soon be upon us... haha. and this time, everyone wants to go. oh dear. i cant wait. |
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| My Top 5 Albums of 2008 (because i was too lazy to do 10...) |
[Jan. 3rd, 2009|02:26 pm] |
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| |  sick | ] |
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| | M.I.A. f/50 Cent "Paper Planes" (Remix) | ] |
FIVE:
| MGMT "Oracular Spectacular"
Released: Sony, 2008
Fav Tracks: Electric Feel, Kids, Time To Pretend
"All along the western front
People line up to receive
She got the current in her hand
Just shock you like you won't believe" |
found almost by accidental popularity i guess, i listened to mgmt amongst the sea of other bands that lost vowels in their names, but i enjoyed what i heard. it was an interesting mix of sounds that either worked really well, or not at all, which is what i feel about this album. but when hit rather than missed, it is crafted very well. probably the most unique sound to come out all year.
FOUR:
| Ratatat "LP3"
Released: XL Recordings, 2008
Fav Tracks: Shempi, Mumtaz Khan, Imperials |
at a time when all i was listening to was simply down low and lo-fi, i randomly found a leak of the newest ratatat album on the interweb and fell in love months before its actual release. in comparison with their previous albums, LP3 is definitely a maturing of sorts, with a lot more going on technically than just the usual dj and guitar solo goodness. i even had a chance to see them live this past year and was amazed to see that they created such music with only three people on stage. and some of the tracks on this album seem almost trance and dream like, which isnt a bad thing at all, but can definitely show the scope of where their music can take you, seventeen years and beyond.
THREE:
| Damien Jurado "Caught In The Trees"
Released: Secretly Canadian, 2008
Fav Tracks: Everything Trying, Sheets, Predictive Living
"Is he still coming around like an injured bird needing a nest?
A place to rest his head in a song you'll regret
Still you take him
Lord knows I don't want to compete
But I still sleep in the very sheets he's been in" |
i do this to myself every year, and every year damien comes out with another record and i fall head over heels for it. the way this man writes songs, no matter how simple they may be moves me like no other. before this cd came out i got a chance to download a few demo tracks from the cd, most notably a demo of "Everything Trying", which i not only prefer much more to the actual studio cd version, but ended up being my most played track of 2008 according to my last.fm charts, played almost 300 times. and again, lyrically, this is a very simple track but the way he composes it just makes my heart tune in a keep listening. not sure how he does it, but i hope he does it forever.
TWO:
| Fleet Foxes "Fleet Foxes"
Released: Sub Pop, 2008
Fav Tracks: Blue Ridge Mountains, White Winter Hymnal, Sun It Rises
"In the quivering forest
Where the shivering dog rests
Our good grandfather
Built a wooden nest
And the river got frozen
And the home got snowed in
And the yellow moon glowed bright
Till the morning light." |
Lovely, lovely, lovely. Like a dream that i never had but i can totally picture. what a journey that an album like this can take you on. throughout all the beautiful instrumentation and vocal harmonies, i find myself in a place much better than the one that i had left. music like this doesnt come very often from a debut and im happy that i got to experience it so early on in their career. i still find it weird to see how big this album has become over the past year, seeing them in magazines like nylon (what?) and being sold at places like starbucks and such, but you cant hide such goodness for long as we all know. but this became one of my most listened to cds of the year, where i consistantly put it on repeat and just listen over and over, and even still i will love it every time i put it on.
ONE:
| Bon Iver "For Emma, Forever Ago"
Released: Jagjaguar, 2008
Fav Tracks: Flume, Lump Sum, Skinny Love
"This is not the sound of a new man or crispy realization
It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away
Your love will be safe with me" |
what can i say about bon iver that hasnt already been said? tugging at your heart strings for an entire album, and then gut wrenchingly displaying it for you at the end, this album shows what happens to a person when you unabashedly hide nothing than what your feeling and all the comes forth is entirely great music. this right here kids, is exactly everything that dashboard should have/could have/would have been had he not sold out to the masses. although some could say cheesy and hard to listen to, you can hear the honesty in the sparse vocal delivery and gentle guitar that envelops the listener, as if it was made so gently and softly so that you would be forced to listen and pay attention. from the very beginning of 2008 i have been listening to this album and have not stopped since. if i was to sum up my year in a nut shell, it would definitely be in this album.
Honorable Mention:
| Starflyer 59: Dial M
Released: Tooth & Nail, 2008
Fav Track: Mr. Martin |
although it came out a few months prior, i have only recently purchased this cd about a week ago and havent given it a proper listen to yet. but seeing how it has topped the majority of my friends top 2008 album lists and of course, its starflyer and can do no wrong, im sure i will not be disappointed. |
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| Truth speaks quite loud lately. |
[Dec. 15th, 2008|05:14 pm] |
"You know it isn’t like me to be
Inflammatory.
But rather than let you think that I was
So naive, I'd have you believe.
I never wanted you
I never wanted two.
You never had my heart.
Our love was never true.
I know you never suspected
Because I never said, but
Baby, I was faking the whole time
How could you ever have guessed it?
With no accomplices,
Baby, I was faking the whole time."
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| only the lonely can play... |
[Dec. 8th, 2008|07:32 pm] |
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| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cold | ] |
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| | Starflyer 59 "You Dont Miss Me" | ] |
finally!
ok, first off, something screwy happened with my internet and livejournal for so long it was ridiculous. i havent updated in a whole month because of it! ah! anyways, there was this day when i guess things were being moved to a new server or something and then because of that, i havent been able to get to a post screen until today for some random reason. i feel pretty horrible about it considering i have wanted to update and couldnt for so long. there are actually a lot of things online that i REALLY need to catch up with and i hope i do it with the new coming year.
well anyways, what to say? well, not much has changed in a month really. work has become more of a tedious nuisance than anything else lately. i suppose because i have had to work 10 days in a row as of late, with the majority being 8 hour shifts. i mean, i dont mind that too much but still... dude needs a break every now and then. especially over the busy thanksgiving weekend. yeesh. but overall its been fine i guess. i like working with jon lately, just because hes hilarious in a way i have never seen before. and also, you never know whats going to come out of his mouth. him and i and also "the rest of the old feckers" are going out tomorrow night to hit up all of the local dive bars. im sure that will be a good way to show jon what atascadero is truely all about. haha... also, it seems that two employees have gotten together that i find very odd, especially since the guy was gay i guess? i dont know how that works really... but one of them will have to change stores i believe. i have no idea how that will pan out to be honest.
thanksgiving was spent... well, working mostly. the day before was a nightmare at work, but the actual day was pretty slow altogether. i came home from the 8 hour day and my mom was asleep after she got off. i think i hung out with john and sierra that night. not much for holidays i guess. although the previous monday, a couple of people from work and friends decided to have a pylmouth rock bunco celebration at shelbis house. i cooked a turkey for the event, and although i was nervous as to how it would come out, it turned out ok. the night was pretty fun... i ended up losing 10 out of 12 games, but at least i got a prize for the most losses... ha! we were supposed to dress up as either an indian or a pilgrim, but i had neither costume too available, so i came as a combo of the two, or what is known as a "pindian". really, i just looked like a person with a confused sense of fashion.
hmmm.. haha. now that i have to think about all the stuff i wanted to write down, i cant remember really. of course! well, i went to the dentist the other day and they said i had 3 cavities that i guess have been there for a while, like since i was kid, but are only now surfacing. so they filled them and my teeth are still kind of sensitive to hot and cold apparently. lame but eh. i dont like that it cost me $50, but i suppose i shouldnt complain too much considering that i have insurance to cover this stuff at all. yay benefits! oh! on black friday i got a printer for $25 on my lunch break from office depot and i was stoked! and today i got a wireless mouse from staples for $10! that has not much to do with anything but...
speaking of money and spending, i have been spending a lot of time and money on ebay lately. like, a lot. mostly for presents for people, but then i keep losing the auctions of stuff for people and it sucks. i wish i was the only one on ebay and people didnt just jack up the prices all day long. however i did get an awesome wedding polaroid album/camera/film package for $50 which would normally cost a grossly overpriced $200. i came out ahead so much on that deal for realz. $50 for the 6 packs of film alone would have satisfied me, let alone the new camera and the photo album. i also bought some filters for $4 for my spectra camera and a polaroid radio that runs on the old battery packs! sa-weet! haha... right now, im trying to get an old polaroid camera that takes the 100 series film with bellows and such. i dont know why per se... just nostalgia i guess. actually, its probably because i have been shooting with a lot of film cameras lately and want to see what one of those cameras are like since i have never had one.
     
ive been really obsessing, if you will, over my film cameras lately. i bought a couple of toy cameras for $5 each from the urban outfitters clearance section a few weeks ago. ive also been really excited to use my new sx-70 all the time now even driving to far locals just to take a photo. and ive bought more polaroid film (i got 10 packs/100 photos on ebay for $80 last week!) than i should have for any reason lately, but i think i should be set for the next 10 years or so now. and i thought i should do so now while its still relatively around and im still young, unmarried and living with my mother. so that way when its hard to find and im old, married and living with my wife, i can display the photos of my youth on my walls and show my children the archaic polaroid photos from our wedding in our album and it will be great. because then it will be hard to date photos because there will be no printing on them and stuff and no exif data and they will also be instant and tangible, which im sure in 20 years or so will be insane to actually still have. or the economic resession will have consumed us all and it will impossible to attain any of this stuff except for only at exhorbant prices from japan.
oh you know. dont even worry about it. |
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| advert: im a crappy kid lately. |
[Nov. 5th, 2008|05:13 pm] |
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| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Beirut "Postcards From Italy" | ] |
to begin, i apologize livejournal for not updating in so long. in fact, i think this may be the longest time between updates ive ever had, andthat includes times in foreign countries where i didnt have internet access. but dont think i have neglected you. to be honest, i checked my friends list everyday but i just didnt have anything worthy to write i felt like, that is until last week when all of sudden a whirlwind of stuff happened and i didnt have any time to write. the past week especially has been quite a blur, so let me tell you about it...
in the most exciting of news, i just got a new camera! yup, thats right, i got a canon 40d kit with the 28-135mm lens! im really excited about this, because not only is it a great camera already, but buying a new camera forces me i guess to catch up with the rest of technology. something that i rarely do just because i do well with whatever i have to be honest. since buying though, it has gone down in price from what i had originally paid for it $50! i actually called them today to see if i can be reimbursed for the difference, but still im having a lot of fun with this camera. even better, the lens i had on my film camera, that being the 50mm f/1.8 lens, works with this camera very well and even the most dull of shots can look great! i used it and my old nikon digital camera at the wedding i shot last weekend and both performed really well. although i still have to get used to the controls for this new camera. i kept forgetting how to change the white balance fast enough and some of the pictures are way dark. doh! but overall the pictures were great, and the 50mm, with its fixed range and low aperture, worked very well in the mostly dark situations and places i faced in this wedding.
speaking of weddings, joe and faith got married the other weekend. the food was good and i had fun dancing, like most of weddings i attend usually go. (lemons? oh! i thought you said women!) they had these pomegranates as decor and our table ended up eating a lot of them. i love wedding because you can act a fool on the dance floor like no other. john got drunk and kept singing andrew wk songs really loudly. how embarassing... oh and also, jesse hurlburt was really drunk and sweaty and stinky and danced with everyone and then started kissing all of the guys there on the lips, including myself. he totally stole my first male lip kiss... and i was saving that for someone special! haha!
what else... uh, oh! i had my interview for the outage 2 weeks ago. the interview part went fine but there was this test for knowledge of tools and it was hard. not because i didnt know what the tools were, but because i didnt know what they were named. i mean, i know what that wrench is for, but i dont know what it is actually called per se. eh... anyways, during the interview i thought i did fine and i think the guys liked me. one dude even had a rad stache, but it was very obvious that i was under qualified for the job at hand and i think that may be the one thing that keeps me from getting it. but then again, you know... you gotta start somewhere. we are supposed to find out this week i think whether or not we get the job, so i hope and pray that i do because, to be honest, this is one of those opportunities that could change my life if i get it. i mean really.
halloween was a bit subpar for me except for having 3 different outfits for it. the night before, we had a bunco night at carlies house with john and a bunch of coworkers. it was really fun considering that game is just a bunch of dice throwing... haha. but it was partial dress up and so i came as christian from project runway and i straightened my hair all weird and wore my glasses and a black tee. it was actually a pretty easy transformation really, all i had to do was say things like "fierce", "tranny" and "hot mess" all night long. i got the prize for the most buncos which was a mug with a kitten on it looking ever so cute i am sure. ha! i worked an 8 hour shift on halloween day so i decided to resurrect the face painted animal beast that i had formally been in january for jonahs 1st birthday party. not only did i do this so people could see the face they missed, but also because it was the easiest costume to work in, you know? i got a lot of reactions from customers... most wondering what i was. a werewolf? a dog? a bear or a lion? whatever works. and finally my third ensemble, which was that of a confederate civil war soldier. i found a very old wool coat from 1961 that was very long and looked similar to what they would have worn back then. put on a hat and that was it really. had a hard time moving around too much in it that night. but if anything though, i really just looked super fashion forward and fierce which is what i am always going for anyways. as for that night, went to shelbis house first to see some coworkers and stuff and then spent the rest of it going to all the best parties of course. those being ones where i knew absolutely nobody in the middle of nowhere. and thats about it really. whatever though... i dont really care for the day that much anyways.
and i guess thats it on my up to date news really. oh... i carved this rad skull into a pumpkin and i love it. november 1st marked to one year anniversary of the beginning of whiskerino and of course the end of taking photos of myself for the past year. interesting to see how far i have come i guess. also, it appears we have a new president elect. although this doesnt matter too much to me really though either way, i just wished he was voted on his words and promises then the color of his skin and how much he was advertised. if we only had radios again, would the vote be different?
this weekend, im going to see saw 5 with jon from work, which is exciting and funny because i guess we are friends now? but i think carlie and possibly others from work are also coming. and then on saturday im going to oxnard for my cousins filipino pageant and ball thing, which i guess i am taking photos of? not sure exactly what they want me to do but whatever. i kinda wish i was going to see david in pasadena, but family stuff like this doesnt happen too often so i should probably take advantage of it. to be honest though, and i just thought of this too, david i havent seen in almost a year i believe. but i think i have talked to him more recently than i have to any of my family members. thats kinda sad actually... because i guess he would knowme better and be more like family than my actual family does. hmmm... maybe i should see if i can get out of it. |
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| i missed a day and was disappointed in myself. |
[Oct. 13th, 2008|07:59 pm] |
"Set me as a seal upon your heart,
as a seal upon your arm,
for love is strong as death,
jealousy is fierce as the grave.
Its flashes are flashes of fire,
the very flame of the LORD."
-Song of Solomon 8:6
interesting things occured since my last post. what a difference a weekend can make.
to begin, i found out at work today that my promotion to a shift supervisor that was supposed to start at the end of this month is now no longer happening. not because of any fault of mine though, but because the two shifts that said that they were going to quit (because they were getting other jobs) are no longer leaving and thus there isnt room really for me to be promoted anymore. i am still a bit unsure how i feel about this really. i mean i understand the situation. they dont need me to be promoted right now so i need to be but i was hoping and kind of relying on this promotion for certain things and i used my vacation time when i did for a reason, and now im coming up on my 2 years being at the same store, im wondering if i should bother still being there if i know im not going to move up in the company for a while, you know what i mean? and if they keep promoting people like they do, then i dont know if im being respected like i should. if i get on the outage, which i hope to do this january, theres no question of me quitting this time around. and theres also the quite small possibility of moving in place of tyler for a bit this winter as well, which would also give a me reason to quit. (haha... like i need a big enough reason to) but really the problem is they rely way too much on me right now and i feel as though im not getting paid what i should be. and after todays news, i dont know if there is enough reason for me to hang around...
on the plus side, theres a new guy that started at work who is fun to work with, well so far anyways. he could be a pain later on... haha. but his name is jon and hes originally from seattle. hes lived here for a month and doesnt know where in & out is, which i dont understand since he has to drive past it on the freeway to get to starbucks. i scolded him and then told him to get a burger when he gets off of work. i am thinking of befriending him, even though hes just a regular dude, just because he doesnt know anyone and obviously has no idea what hes doing here. plus hes 27 and thought i was 19 years old. that i just found hilarious. the good thing about him too is that he adds a bit more testosterone to our store which was previously found only in my beard. seriously.
oddly enough, it seems that my photography gigs are becoming more numerous lately. im shooting a wedding for a co-workers friend at the beginning of this month which will pay me enough to hopefully get me a new camera. from what she described it seemed like an easy wedding to shoot and because of such late notice (i was asked a month before the wedding date! who does that?!), i charged them more than usual. also, i have 2 other weddings for sure happening next year too which is exciting. but really i am just excited that this gives me the excuse to buy a new camera. i am pretty much set on getting a canon 40d, because the kit comes with the lens i want for not that much more than just a camera body, and i found one online for a good price. since the release of the 50d as well, the 40d has gone down in price too, but i just want to get it before the holidays come and people pounce on any deals they see. other than this, i need to get a new computer to handle these bigger images and finally learn how to do some photo editing soon. hopefully learn lightroom at least. but im glad that i took the time to build my website while i was in oklahoma because my photo marketing scheme ended up being the deciding factor in which she chose me over other photographers! yay internets! also, whitney was telling me yesterday about her mom wants me to shoot their family photos. oh how fun THAT would be...
friday night i finally finished the season 4 finale of lost and have now officially seen every episode to date. now i can conversate with the best of them and can get excited about the new season starting early next year. but it kinda sucks because now i have nothing to watch online. oh well, i guess i can catch up on what i missed on the office last season.
im almost to the point of my beard and hair length that i have wanted for a while. well kinda. i, at least, can look in the mirror now and like what i see. ive missed the beard for sure and i think im gonna like the long hair with it too. well, hopefully. today a customer at work said i had really weird poofy hair. what is up with that?! had a dream about joe having a lot of cool tattoos and then it made me want to get some tattoos and then today i remembered an old idea i had for some tattoos.
new sf59 album comes out soon. looking forward to that. also, i have been listening to the new damien jurado album lately and i really enjoy it. well, other than the songs i had previously as demos and then heard the album version and hated. gross.
i kind of tire of these days lately. but i think i might just be tired.
plus, i dont think i have anywhere to go anymore. sad but true.
also, i need a beard related costume this halloween. preferably something classic. thanx. |
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| i thought i told you so. |
[Oct. 9th, 2008|07:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Bon Iver "Lump Sum" | ] |
hello. well, ive been home for a couple of days now and its not as bad as i was expecting i guess. my transition to getting up early and going to work is fine actually, as i suppose not having anything to do the rest of the day doesnt really make me feel like im missing out on anything or make me tired for hanging out so late. i am eating well, but a lot less as i seem to fall asleep in the afternoon and miss meals then have a voracious appetite afterward. my room has still to be unpacked, and to be honest, it might end up staying that way. my mom and i dont see each other that much as usual, so thats exactly the same. she asked me about my trip the other day, asking things like "did your friend charge you money for staying at his house?" and "what did he get out of you coming to visit him?". to the latter i replied, "my company". only my mom would ask these kinds of things.
in an attempt to find stuff to do around my house and not be bored, ive been look up stuff to buy online. i dont really buy anything of course, but i look around a lot. camera stuff mostly... and i think ive figured out my whole camera set up now. also, ive been watching tv. like, uh... project runway. mostly because bravo shows reruns of every episode of the season everyday. whats funny is i dont find the show very interesting to be honest, at least not as interesting as antm. i suppose because it doesnt have as much in the department of sexy models and photography that ive come to grow and crave. but project runway does keep my attention. i suppose because they have to come up with ridiculous outfits and dresses from challenges that make no sense at all. like, heres a bunch of old car parts, now make a fancy dress and you have 1 day to do it. who would EVER have to do that really? but somehow, through creative spark they make crazy good outfits. fashion is weird. we were talking about that at work recently. i was asking the girls if they had any designer clothing and surprisingly, a lot them did. pieces mostly of course, but i was surprised. i mean, i dont own anything designer, well except those diesel jeans i found in bubblegum alley. but if i lived in a big city, would i dress like that? you know, to keep up with the trends? i really dont think so but we agreed that if you were to wear too fancy of clothes here, not only atascadero but the county in general, you would look more foolish and out of place than stylish and pretty.
oh i forgot to talk about my few days in san francisco. they were good... kinda random and quick few days, but it was good. i like visiting that city to be honest. i learn more places and stuff to do in the city every time that i go. i hung out on saturday with marleigh and her friends all around town. we took the bart from oakland and took buses around town mostly, going to love fest (well kinda), mission st, haight st and berekley. we went to this thrift store on mission st and i found a sx-70 alpha 1 se polaroid camera for $20. overpriced for sure for a thrift store (i got my first one for $3), but definitely worth it to me. i tried it with an empty pack yesterday and am glad to say that it works very nicely. it even has a leatherette and smells super old and it probably hasnt been used in years. because of love fest and hardly strictly bluegrass, the buses were really packed and we waited for a bus for 2 hours because they were all completely full and slowed down. the next day i took the bart and then got on a bus and both were completely full at one point and wouldnt let anyone else on. i felt foolish (and a bit cool haha...) carrying my luggage and bag all around the city and the festival, but it made for interesting conversation and allowed me to sit on something most of the time. haha... the festival was realy great for being a free event. i wish i had bought some sort of food while i was there though, because i do love food from vendors like at a fair. but being able to see classic bluegrass artists, like earl scruggs who would i never actually see ever, as well as somewhat bluegrass contemporaries, like iron and wine, and all for free... its all kinda awesome actually. so i didnt get to be front row center and was surrounded by tons of people... still, it was an experience. i ended up leaving a bit early with john and kyle in favor of going home to take a shower and unpack, but i enjoyed those two days in sf even if they were a bit rushed.
what else? well, i still want a polaroid pogo because it would definitely satisfy my ability to print instantly. well not really, because i have a feeling it would be kinda lame, so really i just want the second of third generation of it because then it will be better, as with most things polaroid, they perfect as they go on. but the idea is great and i especially like the small size and sticky paper. although now that i think about it, this could very well go down the route of the joycam or the izone camera. which wouldnt be that bad i guess because i liked both those cameras, but was too young when they came out to actually be able to afford film at all for them. oh and i bought a photobooth book yesterday on amazon for $2. for some reason, i am really into instant photos right now i guess. but anyways, the photobooth photos i was looking at online inspired me to try a couple of ideas next time i am near one, which will hopefully be soon.
life seems pretty boring here right now. work is fine i mean, but life is not that different from oklahoma except of course the big difference being that i had people to hang out with most of the time. or at least could play with kitties.
and i guess i wouldnt be alone writing in my journal right now either if i had something to do or someone to hang out with. hmmm... such is this i guess. |
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| i hope to speak truth over hypocrisy. |
[Oct. 2nd, 2008|09:31 pm] |
"Is he still coming around like an injured bird
needing a nest, a place to rest
his head in a song that youll regret
still you take him
Lord knows i dont want to compete
but still i sleep in the very sheets
hes been in..."
i currently sit here, my last night from my vacation in oklahoma as it is coming to a close. and it actually comes to a point that i was almost certain it would. not with any kind of big parting hurrah or tears of saddness or even the usual extremely late night talk about nothing and everything, but a night that would be like any other night. nothing fancy or big, just a night hanging out with friends. talking about stuff. business as usual. LIFE as usual. and thats the thing that made this trip unique. how life just was. and here i sit, typing away in my journal. ty has already gone to bed, and feeling a bit queasy so was warned not sleep in there tonight. and reagan even left without even saying goodbye. in other situations, i probably would have complained that this was not only odd behavior, but kind of a crappy end of my last night here. but to be honest, im not upset by it all. and i actually expected it because i feel like i would see them all again tomorrow anyways, even if i do live halfway across the country. what im trying to say is that im comfortable here i guess.
i must say that this trip has probably been one of the strangest experiences ive had in any of my travels. and by strange, i dont mean it in a bad way at all, just not typical. i think that ive become accustomed to the usual "cram everything into as little days as possible with as many people as possible and its an amazing weekend" thing. but planning this trip was completely different. i was here for over two weeks, and most of which was spent by myself working on stuff online (which we will get to that later btw) and playing with kitties. i also came to oklahoma planning to live and spend time with a friend that i didnt really know that well. in some instances, that worked out really beautifully and i got to know and speak to an amazing man of God in the process, one that i love very dearly and will probably hold a special place in my life for a long time. but also in some instances, not knowing each other previously or very well at all for that matter in personality and composure, as i feel we both learned, was also the biggest hindrance that we faced. at some points, i feel we were both stepping on each others toes and not really knowing it. however, none of this really matters as petty differences cannot divide two for very long. but these weeks will definitely be a time that i will not forget anytime soon.
and there is a reason for that. everything i experienced and encountered here had one underlying thing that no other trip before had ever had before: it was just like it would be at home. different scenery, different people, but same life, and same living. every single night, whether it would be dumpster diving all around town, or going to a church function, or having a very stressful restless night for no reason, or even playing cards until the wee hours of the night, every single moment felt somewhat familiar and at ease here. everything felt like i could and would do the same exact thing at home.
as silly as that sounds, i have never felt that in any of my travels ever.
traveling for me is usually spent doing something i wouldnt normally do or going to a place or seeing people i dont usually see. in this instance, the people and place were very different, strangers even, but life seemed to be exactly the same to me... as if i had not stopped even when i changed location. even weirder, the weather is EXACTLY the same. and for those who know what i mean, that is a big deal.
but this brings about two ideas for me.
1) i could easily move out here and recreate life as i already know it because i know i would be comfortable and would be fine without a slight hesitation. (well, except having to get to know people of course)
2) or i am partially stuck in a rut of living and life is exactly the same regardless of where in the world i end up because everyone lives exactly the same everywhere else in the world.
this trip was by no means a disappointment, but it was not what i thought it was going to be, as again, i expected that super fun weekend and didnt exactly get it. however, what i did get out of it was quite an eye opening experience, especially with my relationship with the Lord. if anything, i spent more time with Him than i did with everyone else combined, even breaking away from the groups of people i was with take a walk and speak with Him. and in the end, perhaps that was His intention in bringing me here. to speak truth and life into me in a place that felt familiar and comfortable, but would force me to cling to Him when i had no one else to cling to. and of course, that is exactly what i did.
oh the situations that the Lord must put me in to get my attention.
if only i was a better servant.
and oh yeah, the thing i was working on while i have been here. check it out. still in early stages, but it will get better i promise. |
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| i cant find the kitties right now and im worried they have been compromised. |
[Sep. 25th, 2008|01:13 pm] |
well, before i begin to write, i must say that i originally was going to post because i was waiting for ty to get off of work. an hour later and still he is not home, so i thought maybe he went elsewhere before coming home. i started writing and decided it might be nice to sit outside, so i made my way to the front door with my computer when, lo and behold, ty is laying on the couch and is asleep. what i find most hilarious about this situation is that not only did he immediately fall asleep, but he also didnt bother coming into his room to see if i was there at all. he probably just wanted to lay down on the couch and then fell asleep.
that comes to what i was originally going to say, which was that ty and his friends stay out way too late considering their schedules, him probably being the worse because he works full time yet stays out til 1am and goes to bed around 2am, and then goes to work at 8am. no wonder he keeps fall asleep in random places around the house. i feel bad for keeping up at night as well.
but anyways, i have officially been here for a week now, and i still havent done very much. but i think i would rather do little than do a lot while im here. i spend most of my days online searching for deals on stuff, learning about new cameras, techniques and the latest tech gadgetry, playing super nintendo (because i never had one) and then playing with the kitties while i wait for ty to get off of work at 5. but as you can tell like today, i actually havent had much of chance to really hang out with him. of which i find both ironic and fitting. knowing me, i will probably fall in love with him if i hung out with him too much and never want to leave his side. however i have been hanging out with a lot of friends in and around the area, mainly ty's roommates, tyler and tim, who i happen to see at almost every function i go to, and of course, reagan, ty's girlfriend and her roommates, of which we seem to spend to majority of our nights lately.
the other day, i went with reagan to her place and we watched the newest season of antm online (of which there is a transgender contestant btw... oh tyra. always breaking boundaries.) and then i cooked a typical filipino meal my mom would cook at home, that being chicken adobo with rice and some broccoli. reagan made the rice (the first batch in which she burned) and the broccoli (which she steamed in the microwave. i didnt even know you could do that.) considering how different food can be such a scary change, everyone seemed to enjoy my cooking and i thought i did all right myself. i am getting better at making stuff anyways. the aloe juice and mochi, procured from the asian market, however did not go over as well. haha...
having been locked inside the house the past two days (literally) yesterday i walked over to the local hangout spot known as sauced to get myself something to eat, namely a VERY large slice of pizza. a very large slice at that. while i was there, i walked around what appeared to be the art district of the city. at sauced there were what appeared to be a couple of crust kids being... well, crusty and asking people for money to get some coffee. i was going to ask one of them where i should go diving but they didnt appear as friendly as others i have met on my travels, almost to a point of staredown when eyes were met, so i decided not to. perhaps it was a stranger in local territory or what have you. but i overheard a few speaking about how one of them was from california originally and i think i recognize him as one of tiffanys friends. tomorrow i might be more willing to talk however, so perhaps i will try to talk to them then. well, that is hoping they will be there again at the same time as i would be.
over the past weekend, ty and i went to weatherford, which is about an hour away and where he used to go to school, to have a cookout with a few friends. this included many whiskerino contestants that i had only seen online previously and hadnt met in person. it was really fun to meet them, and well, weird as usual... haha. to you know, see them moving around and talking. haha! i love it. but it was cool. food was good too. and caleb has this home studio where we took this photo of our post-mini-throwdown. i, of course, had to wear my red flannel to the occasion.
today i started my novel idea to begin exercising, which meant jogging. not sure if its a good thing yet, as i didnt go that far but i am incredibly sore. but i suppose thats what happens when you dont do any real physical activity for 8 years, huh?
overall, my trip so far has been nice. and eye opening for the most part. unlike back at home, i seem to do a lot more church/fellowship activities here. (in very VERY large churches mind you...) but such things are causing me to think and pray and be more mindful of Christ in my life. the other night i went for a walk, and i ended up praying for the majority of the walk, something i havent done in ages. i suppose without the distractions of regular work and people and life at home, i have time to think and am trying to keep more in tune with Him so to speak. but its been good... i feel as though the Lord has been speaking through me as well as to me from others i have encountered. Ty especially is quite an encouraging person to me, and keeps me on my toes. we have an interesting relationship. hes been challenging me, making me realize some of the odder actions and unusual words i choose to say sometimes. i never realized that i suck so much i guess... haha. but i hope that more comes out of this time here, and i hope to continue it back home.
i think that maybe i need more people like this in my life at home. |
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